Grown up...

The door was slightly ajar, just enough for the room to breathe.

The boy inside looked like furniture. He just sat there, his eyes like grey stones staring into nothingness. He felt wasted.

The door opened and a man with too much on his mind walked in."Son?",he almost whispered."Johnny..Johnny??”

A weak grin came on his face like a flickering candle in a full wind."Yes Pa," he said.

"You doin' sugar again, huh?? Temme son!!"

"No Pa..", he said in a deadpan voice

"Now you lyin to your ol' pa like that? Temme you lyin' son!"

"No Pa..", voice barely audible.

"You wanna talk to me, you open your mouth son!!I am tellin' you...Just...OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!"

With a heavy heart he turned his back to his son and left in a tearful hurry. And then he heard the most awful sound that he had come to hate in the last few years; that laugh…that laugh..

“Ha ha ha..”.

Maut... zindagi ke liye zaroori hai yeh..

D E A T H.

Bad word, hai na ? Ma says its a bad word. Papa says don’t say it. Nidhi stops talking to me if I utter it. Its a bad word. Death. Even in the movies, the heroine places her finger on the hero's lips before he can complete the sentence and whispers "Kabhi marne kee baat matt karna. Aisa nahee kehte".

But, its coming yaar. Death. It will happen. To me. To you.

Acchha yaar , now stop yelling "manhoos", bear me out. What if I were to die after half an hour. I shall never be able to feel ma's palm on my forehead again. I shall never hear Nidhi’s voice again, nor hear all my friends saying “kitna mota ho gaya hai tu. Kuch kar”. I shall never be able to tell dad that even though I always try to act smart, he is the greatest guy I have ever known. I shall never be able to tell the departmental store guy that I stole 3 eggs from his shop yesterday. Ok, dont dial 100 , the eggs wala part is not true. How could you imagine that, me and stealing eggs ? I am a Jain. I steal tindli and dhania.

But seriously, death scares me. It scares me to be away from my loved ones. It scares me to die without doing all the things I want to do. It scares me that I may die. But death is real. And I may die after a year. I may die tomorrow after office, if I do end up leaving office. I may die before I complete this post.( But now that I have published it , I did not die before completing it,right ? Think about it ! ).

Now you may smirk and say "arre yaar , aise thode hee koee mar jaata hai". But I have seen lives shattering in the blink of an eye. A second's delay in hitting the brakes , a leaking gas cylinder , a cycle containing a bomb parked next to you, a desperate and armed domestic help . . . is enough to change your life in a radical way , before you can say "maar daala". And not like Madhuri said it in Devdas.

But the point is not to be scared of dying. The point is to be scared of dying without really living.

I see around me. I see people I care for. I see myself. Sometimes I see us all sad .I see us clinging to bad memories, things which we cannot change, things which still hurt us, things which make tears flow down their cheeks. I know we are hurt and not stupid and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever. Life is nothing but a limited number of moments gifted to us by god. And each moment is slipping by. Right now , a moment just passed by me , and took me closer to death , leaving me with lesser time to smile ,to crack some poor joke, to see my ma laugh, to see my dad proud, to see Nidhi find the happiness she deserves, to be a good person, to make someone smile, to live. And the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. Why do we people hurt each other, when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?

Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the good man you could have been. Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for may never arrive. Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today. Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality. Maybe you need to start living the life you should.

I know I know, I am saying nothing new. But life and the things it does to people and the things people do to it continue to amuse me. In short, ek baat bolta hun, all of us should respect and enjoy the ride, because hamari life kee taxi mein petrol kabhi bhi khatm ho sakta hain. And marne ke baad, you cant even fight with the cab driver. So smile, khush raho, muskurao, jeeyo, and make people smile , kyunki ..kal ho na ho. Wait a minute ..kal ho na ho..yaar ye phrase kuch suna hua nahee lagta ?

PING !!!!

I got a strange invite last night on my BBM. It was an invite from user name “00GOD000”. I did not know who it was, but added him however. Below is what transpired later

Me: Who is this ?
God: Hi
Me: Hi.. Who is this ?
God: My Username seems to suggest I'm God
Me: Yeah, right !! Tell me who is this & who gave you my BBM Pin
God: Umm..let me get back to you. I'll check with my secretary
Me: !!
After a while
God: Yes, confirmed, I am God
Me: And you had to check with your secretary to remind you who you are ?
God: Yes, there are so many things I have to remember, I forget some things.
Me: And when your secretary told you, you believed her ?
God: Him !
Me: Him ?
God: Yeah, is there a problem ?
Me: I thought your secretary would be a woman.
God: Should my secretary be a woman ?
Me: No..just… anyways, I’m digressing. So, if you are God, howcome we are chatting on BBM
God: Why can't we chat on BBM ?
Me: Well, I would expect God to communicate with a human being directly from the sky, heavens.. You know !
God: But, wouldn't that disturb everybody else. So much noise !
Me: I guess it would
God: Good
Me: So…are you sure you are God
God: I can't believe you are still asking me ! Din’t I tell you already
Murmurs in the background
God: Ok, Try deleting me from your BBM list !
Me: …. Shit !! I can't delete you !
God: There…
Me: But still, God wouldn't chat on BBM
God: Who says so
Me: I do
God: And who, if I may ask, are you ?
Me: Aha ! If you were God, you wouldn't need to ask !
God: Oh dear.. And why wouldn't I need to ask ?
Me: Bcoz..bcoz God is Omniscient !
God: So, if I don’t know who you are, I can't be God ?
Me: Correct !
God: (pause).. That is interesting ! (another pause) But then, who am I ?
Me: That's what I would like to know !
God: Wait, I'll ask my secretary..
Me: Wait….
(long pause)
God: I'm back
Me: ???
God: My secretary says I really am God
Me: Then tell me who I am. You would know
God: My secretary explained it to me. I do know everything, but just can't remember any of it. Like for example, the fact that I am God.
Me: That can’t be right. If God doesn’t remember stuff, we are all doomed !
God: No No..here in heaven, there is a concept of archived data, data warehousing, a search engine etc. My brain is not large enough to store everything, so only some data is readily available. I have to search for everything else.
Me: ok…
God: And my secretary pulled out your file. I can tell you some things about yourself. Name is Mihir, birthday is Dec 14..
Me: stop stop… these are info bits that anyone would know !
God: Ok, ask me something.. Something current, that only you would know and you haven’t even told your fiancee.. Whats her name… Nidhi
Me: Impressive… ok.. I told my fiancee that I was going to paint a certain wall in my room a particular shade of blue. But, last night, I thought of another colour ! Tell me that ! Ha !
God: wait.. Lemme press refresh on my search engine…yeah… it shows me.. Orange.
Me: (silence)
God: You there ? You believe me now ?
Me: This is eerie.. Im still in a daze.. Are you.. God ? The GOD ?
God: Yep, the secretary confirmed
Me: oh Shit !.. I mean, sorry.. Oh God.. what the hell…I mean..heaven.. sorry..
God: Calm down !
Me: ok..ok.. So, Where are you ? Are you One God or many ? Which is the truest religion ? What does my future hold ? Why are we chatting ? Why me ?
God: I have to go.. Maybe we'll chat later.. I'll happily answer all your questions..
Me: oh.. Ok :-(
God: Till next time.. "I" bless, take care
Me: Wait..
God: Yes, quick..have a meeting with my unit heads..
Me: Whaa? Unit heads ? Anyways, you said something about data storage and a search engine
God: Yeah..
Me: So, what's it called ?
God: Well, we here call it Godgle….

And then God’s status changes from “Available” to “Busy” and somehow, I can’t send him any PINGS. I guess I’ll have to wait… till next time…

...Coffee...

"Coffee?" I asked.

"Sure," she replied.

We'd never met. In person, that is. We'd met online two weeks ago. What had started out as a one line email, had turned into chatting on various instant messengers from both office and home, for hours everyday. And then on BBM, of course

"But where?" she asked, after a pause.

"Any place that's convenient for you, I guess."

"Hmmm," she replied, as if thinking aloud. "Ok. Seven thirty?"

"Done," I said. An hour. "Where'll you be?"

"Remember that place I told you about that's right next to the park?"

"Sounds good."

I logged off, and headed for the shower.

We'd both bought new BlackBerrys recently and that had been the thing we'd first started talking about. But we'd soon switched to everything else, like ourselves, our lives, our likes, our dislikes, movies, music, books and even the weather!

As I was getting ready, I thought about what I was going to do. I was a little nervous. After all, I had never done something like this before. It felt quite strange, really.

I chose a simple white-t-shirt and my light blue jeans. Hope it’s alright

Coffee dates are over a decade old concept now, but that didn't take my mind off the fact that I knew I was doing something that I considered just a little... weird. I mean I'd known her for barely two weeks. And, a coffee shop? It just felt a little... different.

I had to park a little way away from the coffee shop. Parking was always a problem there in the evening. I was glad I had decided to leave a few minutes early.

I chose my table, sat down, and waited. It was 7:29 when I got my *PING*. She would be reaching in a few minutes. A few seconds later, she pinged again. She had reached."Hi!" she said.

"Hi," I replied. "Just reached?"

"Yep," she said. "So what are you ordering?"

"A Swiss Hot Chocolate, I think. You?"

"Oh, Espresso with whipped cream. So how's the weather there in Mumbai?"

"It's beautiful. Not too sunny, not too cold. Just right. What about Delhi?"

"Oh, it's pretty good here too. It was a little hot in the morning, but then it rained in the afternoon, and so it's much more comfortable now."

":-)" I replied.

...Life ain't fair...

How many times have you found yourselves talking to a friend / colleague complaining & cribbing about life in general and mumbling the oft repeated line, “Life’s so NOT fair to me yaar ! !”.

Well, “Who said life was fair, or that it was ever meant to be fair?”

Think about it. This question is a good one. A very good one.

One of the mistakes many of us make is to feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be.

It’s not & it won’t.

When we make this mistake, we spend a lot of time wallowing about what’s wrong with life. We talk to others, discussing injustices of life. “It’s not fair”, we always complain, never realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.

One of the nice things about surrendering to the fact that life’s not fair is that it keeps us from feeling sorry for ourselves by encouraging us to do the very best we can with what we have. It’s not life’s job to make everything perfect, it’s our own personal challenge.

Everyone is dealt with a different hand. You have to play with the cards you’ve been dealt.

The fact that life isn’t fair does not mean we shouldn’t do everything in our power to improve our own lives. Au contraire, it suggests that we SHOULD. When we don’t recognize or admit that life isn’t fair, we tend to feel pity for ourselves or others.

And pity is definitely a self defeating, useless emotion that does nothing for anyone, except to make them feel worse than they already do.

Recognise that life’s not fair, and turn your self-pity into some helpful action.

Short Ones

War

"How long before they reach the castle?"

"Our army will probably be able to hold them off for an hour at the most."

"And the secret passageway out of the city?"

"It was never finished, your highness."

"Well then," said the king. "I'm off to sleep."

"Sleep?"

"I always wanted to die in my sleep."

The End

---------------------xx--------------------------

He-Man ???

He walks like a king through his house. He is master of his domain. He can eat what he wants, drink what he wants, and he can turn on the television and watch whatever he wants. He smiles.

"By the power of Grayskull!" he shouts. "I... Have... The Power!"

He hears the car in the driveway. His wife is back from shopping. He sighs.

It was nice while it lasted.

The Maker's Chambers

"What was that?" Mrs. Maker shouted as she came rushing into the workshop. "I heard a big bang. What exploded?"

Mr. Maker looked up at her innocently and replied, "Nothing exploded."

"Then what's that mess in the middle of the room?" The mess she was pointing at seemed to be growing, and fast.

"That's the explosion of course."

"I thought you said nothing exploded."

"Yes, I did." Mr. Maker maintained the look of innocence.

Mrs. Maker wasn't giving up, though. "Well, if nothing exploded, then what is that?"

"THE explosion, of course."

"What do you mean by that?" She looked around the workshop at the charts that he had been drawing. There seemed to be a lot of circles all over them. She shouldn't have bought him that compass !

"And what in your name have you been doing here?"

Mr. Maker smiled, since the Mrs. had never taken any interest in his work before. He took off his gloves as he walked towards one of the charts that had a lot of squiggly figures on it. "I've been doing some calculations," he explained, "and I think - though it might be a while before I can prove this - that I've invented... Time."

Mrs. Maker wasn't impressed. "And what is Time supposed to be? Your idea of a joke? You call that mess there," she gestured towards the mess - which seemed to be growing larger - "Time?"

"Oh no, no, no!" Mr. Maker turned around to look at it. "That seems to be an unexpected by-product."

"Well, I'm not cleaning it up for you," Mrs. Maker replied angrily. "I'm tired of cleaning up after you." And she walked off back to the kitchen.

"Clean it up?" Mr. Maker thought to himself. "Now why would I want to do that?" He looked at what the Mrs. had called the mess, and smiled to himself as he stroked his white beard. "It looks beautiful." He watched it some more, and then thought, "Well, I'll probably have to make some more space for it. It seems to be growing awfully fast. And all those little balls inside it will need some studying too."

As he lifted the ever-growing mess, he realised he'd have to give it a name. Something nicer than what the Mrs. had called it. A name that captured the sheer poetry that seemed to emanate from his heart as he watched it grow. It looked like it belonged on its own. And yet, it looked incomplete. Like it would never be complete. Like it would grow until it occupied everything. Until it was everything.

If it were a song, it would be the first verse, and the last. It'd be the only verse. One verse.

He smiled as the name came to him. He'd call it, The UniVerse.

She...

It’s been over 6 months since the engagement, 4 months to the wedding and approximately 14 months since I first saw her. I am talking in approximations here because one calculation mistake about the regarding such historical days and the guy is dead, so I hope my maths is right here.

There have been many arguments and multiple fights interspersed between a tons of happy moments - Although, many such happy moments would be me giggling at my own jokes And we are still together, with me admitting that she has contributed most to the fact that the relationship is going as strong as a well fed wrestler, with my contribution apologizing after all arguments, driving her around, accompanying her on shopping trips and listening to her conversations, primarily.

This experience has changed, and continues to change quite a few things around me.

I mean, my telephone bills have ‘changed’ by a noticeable margin, to the horror of my dad and to the sheer delight of Vodafone. The amount of driving I have been doing around the city has gone up (The sight of her house as I turn around the corner is sight more beautiful than Taj Mahal’s for me). I meet my friends less than I see “Bade acche lagte hai” (which is never). I no longer wonder if I would have to change some baby’s diaper someday, confident that I HAVE to change it. And, I’m not complaining about any of the above

There have been many firsts also. Like, I went shopping..in Kurla..a place I would never have even ventured into to save a friend’s life otherwise.

But jokes aside, there has been internal transformation too – and no, I don’t mean my kidneys changing colour

You know, this is not the first time someone put her faith in me. Is not the first time someone thought she would have me besides her in every storm. Is not the first time someone put me in a position where I could hurt her, trusting that I would not.

After a past which would justify a Kameena Sequel to be shot on my life story, it was like god had e-mailed me a letter confirming that I was incapable of taking care of anybody , except my set of 4 portable hard disks, maybe.

I had vividly visualized a Dolby surround system installed in life where I would live alone , watching movies and eating burgers only to die someday with the unpaid set top box guys being the only ones bothered by my death .

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a guy who had refused to face difficult situation of his life, choosing rather to ignore it, hoping it would end on its own. A guy who thought ‘walking away’ or ‘letting things take their natural course’ was a cool thing to do, yet ashamed in his heart. A guy who had come to believe that life is this meaningless string of moments.

I know it was no holocaust I had faced, and there are people who have seen worse things - such as a college hostel’s food, but to my mind, I was a guy who could earn money and crack random jokes, but was worse than a China made plastic bicycle when it came to reliability and trust.

And then She came along. Strong minded. Independent. Graceful. Elegant. A lady who had the sensitivity of a petal, yet the strength of a tree. A heart which could absorb all pain, yet could shed tears touched by the pain of a stranger. A soul which held an understanding the very wise have, yet cares like the most innocent child ever. In short, my complete, geometrical opposite.

Considering the opinion I had about myself , I believe it would have taken a lot of foolishness and / or marijuana for me to believe I could be the guy she deserved , and to this day, I believe I am lesser than the guy she deserves.

But yet, since that day, she has been a friend, a guide and an inspiration for me. Without trying to teach me, she has given me something I could never give myself, something no amount of movies could give me, something no amount of hours immersed at work could give me, something no one else could give me

She has given me reason.

She has given me the reason to believe I can be a better man when she says she trusts me.

She has given me the reason to stay up at night till she is safely in bed, even though I have had a long day and have another early morning coming up.

She has given me the reason to feed a helpless beggar, knowing she would do the same.

She has given me reason to stop the car while driving to speak to her (she doesn’t like me talking while driving), when she has no way of knowing whether I have actually stopped the car or not. I even try and stop the car if I take a call while driving which is going to last more than a couple of minutes

She has given me the reason to choose the hard but right path, having learnt from her that a righteous life is better than a convenient life.

She has given me the reason to again believe that goodness and simplicity can exist and thrive in this world inhabited by greed, egos and exorbitant petrol prices.

She has given me the reason to know I am going to be all right, because my definition of being ‘all right’ has changed from not facing problems to solving them.

She has given me the reason to feel accepted, not because I am perfect, but because someone does not expect perfection.

She has given me a reason to be confident about myself as she believes in me more than could ever believe.

In a way, I think I never cared about the kind of guy I was. She gave me the reason to want to be a man better than who I am.

You know, I believe I may never be the man she deserves to be with. But for the first time in my life, someone has gained that place in my world that I am willing to happily try till my last moment.

Probably everyone else thinks this relationship is following the normal, Bollywood inspired storyline, and will end up fizzing out in a few months or years, replaced by the real questions such as who brings the kids from the school or why haven’t I still paid the telephone bill, but I know she will always be the same special one for me.

Because while a boy finds a girl who keeps him happy, this boy has found a girl he wants to keep happy.

While a boy finds a girl to live happily with, this boy has found a reason to live happily for.
I know “You” will read this, I just want you to know that I have made a lot of mistakes, and my dining table etiquettes are all wrong, and I crack jokes nobody gets, but I love you without expectations. And I will never stop doing that.