She...

It’s been over 6 months since the engagement, 4 months to the wedding and approximately 14 months since I first saw her. I am talking in approximations here because one calculation mistake about the regarding such historical days and the guy is dead, so I hope my maths is right here.

There have been many arguments and multiple fights interspersed between a tons of happy moments - Although, many such happy moments would be me giggling at my own jokes And we are still together, with me admitting that she has contributed most to the fact that the relationship is going as strong as a well fed wrestler, with my contribution apologizing after all arguments, driving her around, accompanying her on shopping trips and listening to her conversations, primarily.

This experience has changed, and continues to change quite a few things around me.

I mean, my telephone bills have ‘changed’ by a noticeable margin, to the horror of my dad and to the sheer delight of Vodafone. The amount of driving I have been doing around the city has gone up (The sight of her house as I turn around the corner is sight more beautiful than Taj Mahal’s for me). I meet my friends less than I see “Bade acche lagte hai” (which is never). I no longer wonder if I would have to change some baby’s diaper someday, confident that I HAVE to change it. And, I’m not complaining about any of the above

There have been many firsts also. Like, I went shopping..in Kurla..a place I would never have even ventured into to save a friend’s life otherwise.

But jokes aside, there has been internal transformation too – and no, I don’t mean my kidneys changing colour

You know, this is not the first time someone put her faith in me. Is not the first time someone thought she would have me besides her in every storm. Is not the first time someone put me in a position where I could hurt her, trusting that I would not.

After a past which would justify a Kameena Sequel to be shot on my life story, it was like god had e-mailed me a letter confirming that I was incapable of taking care of anybody , except my set of 4 portable hard disks, maybe.

I had vividly visualized a Dolby surround system installed in life where I would live alone , watching movies and eating burgers only to die someday with the unpaid set top box guys being the only ones bothered by my death .

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a guy who had refused to face difficult situation of his life, choosing rather to ignore it, hoping it would end on its own. A guy who thought ‘walking away’ or ‘letting things take their natural course’ was a cool thing to do, yet ashamed in his heart. A guy who had come to believe that life is this meaningless string of moments.

I know it was no holocaust I had faced, and there are people who have seen worse things - such as a college hostel’s food, but to my mind, I was a guy who could earn money and crack random jokes, but was worse than a China made plastic bicycle when it came to reliability and trust.

And then She came along. Strong minded. Independent. Graceful. Elegant. A lady who had the sensitivity of a petal, yet the strength of a tree. A heart which could absorb all pain, yet could shed tears touched by the pain of a stranger. A soul which held an understanding the very wise have, yet cares like the most innocent child ever. In short, my complete, geometrical opposite.

Considering the opinion I had about myself , I believe it would have taken a lot of foolishness and / or marijuana for me to believe I could be the guy she deserved , and to this day, I believe I am lesser than the guy she deserves.

But yet, since that day, she has been a friend, a guide and an inspiration for me. Without trying to teach me, she has given me something I could never give myself, something no amount of movies could give me, something no amount of hours immersed at work could give me, something no one else could give me

She has given me reason.

She has given me the reason to believe I can be a better man when she says she trusts me.

She has given me the reason to stay up at night till she is safely in bed, even though I have had a long day and have another early morning coming up.

She has given me the reason to feed a helpless beggar, knowing she would do the same.

She has given me reason to stop the car while driving to speak to her (she doesn’t like me talking while driving), when she has no way of knowing whether I have actually stopped the car or not. I even try and stop the car if I take a call while driving which is going to last more than a couple of minutes

She has given me the reason to choose the hard but right path, having learnt from her that a righteous life is better than a convenient life.

She has given me the reason to again believe that goodness and simplicity can exist and thrive in this world inhabited by greed, egos and exorbitant petrol prices.

She has given me the reason to know I am going to be all right, because my definition of being ‘all right’ has changed from not facing problems to solving them.

She has given me the reason to feel accepted, not because I am perfect, but because someone does not expect perfection.

She has given me a reason to be confident about myself as she believes in me more than could ever believe.

In a way, I think I never cared about the kind of guy I was. She gave me the reason to want to be a man better than who I am.

You know, I believe I may never be the man she deserves to be with. But for the first time in my life, someone has gained that place in my world that I am willing to happily try till my last moment.

Probably everyone else thinks this relationship is following the normal, Bollywood inspired storyline, and will end up fizzing out in a few months or years, replaced by the real questions such as who brings the kids from the school or why haven’t I still paid the telephone bill, but I know she will always be the same special one for me.

Because while a boy finds a girl who keeps him happy, this boy has found a girl he wants to keep happy.

While a boy finds a girl to live happily with, this boy has found a reason to live happily for.
I know “You” will read this, I just want you to know that I have made a lot of mistakes, and my dining table etiquettes are all wrong, and I crack jokes nobody gets, but I love you without expectations. And I will never stop doing that.