I thought I knew what’s coming when I saw the 2 shaded lines on the home pregnancy kit. I thought I will be ready when I saw that small dot on the screen at the gynaec’s and heard my baby’s fast heartbeats (just like a running horse’s hooves). I felt sure I will be prepared when I registered myself as a “dad” on babycenter.com and whattoexpect.com and started reading their weekly posts. I actually felt at ease when I devoured multiple pregnancy and baby books. I felt SO content when the kicks stopped as I sang to the bloated tummy (yes, truly ! The magic song was "so gaya yeh jahaan" from Tezaab and the Namokar mantra). I felt confident and a bit impatient even when I successfully (or so I think) dealt with N’s morning sickness and mood swings. I felt I had it all under control as I held N’s hand and urged her (filmy style) to push in the delivery room.
But nothing prepared me, nothing could have prepared me for the moment I saw her. She was tiny and shrivelled, she was wet and sticky, she was blood stained…she was beautiful. And then, she cried ! The most beautiful sound in the world. Of course, I could have never known my feelings about her crying would drastically change later, but that rant’s for another day, another blog post.
Everything I had done, read, heard or seen earlier went to trash. I suddenly felt I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t ready. I felt like I had no idea what I would do now. I felt like I definitely did not get the memo. I felt…overwhelmed !
Later that night, as N was asleep and I was still overwhelmed and unable to sleep, I picked the little bundle up and half hoped that in true Bollywood/Hollywood style, she would hold my finger and suddenly, everything would make sense. Of course, no such thing happened. I just kept holding her steady, afraid to drop her. I kept staring at her. This was a person that I (with a little contribution from N) had created. This was the 2 shaded lines on the pregnancy kit. This being with arms and legs and face was the little dot on the gynaec’s screen. These were the legs that kicked from inside, these were the ears that heard my singing voice. It was unreal… otherworldly, even. It was a feeling that N & I kept sharing and discussing over the next few months as we saw R grow. For lack of words, to us, it can just be described as… Magic !
Disclaimers:
In no way do I take anything away from what my wife (N) had to face during pregnancy. It was infinitely more than what I faced and I can only hope I was enough of a support. However, this blog remains purely my perspective, a dad’s perspective
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Monday, February 3, 2014
Dubai Diaries 3: ....friends indeed
My last post said that Dubai, with all its grandeur, seemed overwhelming for a newcomer. I will use this post to mention how there was something more overwhelming that I found – the support, help & love that I got from the few known people here.
There are 3 very important sets of people who have gone out of their way to help me. Dinesh uncle & Meena Aunty, Varun & Nidhi and Sonia & family – all of them have treated me like one of their own family here.
Varun – of course. We have been friends for over a decade now. He was there to pick me up from the airport. He dropped me home, took me out to eat and he & his wife Nidhi ordered a cake to celebrate my birthday – Yes, I had moved to Dubai on my birthday. It made me feel so nice to have someone in the new unknown place.
Like I have mentioned earlier, house-hunting here can be a bitch. Varun was there during each and every day, almost, of my househunt. He took me around to various buildings. And the only reason I could scope multiple areas was because he took time out and drove me around everywhere. Else, it would have been too expensive & largely impossible for me to see all the houses/areas that I did.
I never had to worry about home-food. When I first ate at their place, Nidhi asked me what I was doing for food. I told her I have a few “ready to eat” packets that will help me till my Nidhi gets here. And I will manage by eating outside if I run out of packets. And she told me, “Kyu ? Bahaar kyu khaayega ? Nidhi aayegi tab tak roz yahaan aa jaa”. And, I was…overwhelmed.
Dinesh Uncle – he is an absolute angel ! I have no words to thank him or describe how much he readily does for someone who he doesn’t even know. First, he is not related to me. He is not related to Nidhi. He is the paternal uncle of one of Nidhi’s friends ! And, frankly – it would have been extremely difficult for me without his guidance& help.
He helped me during my househunt by speaking to multiple agents himself & setting up house viewings for me. He took me around Dubai on weekends. He was the one who came with me when I booked the flat and even went to a local temple here before that.
He has some relatives here and they, as a rule, have dinner together on Saturdays. I have been invited to each and every one of those family meetings.
You know what – I read my post at this stage & no matter what I write, it’s not going to do justice in describing the importance of Dinesh uncle. Suffice to say – he’s an absolute gem of a person from whom I have a lot to learn !
And.. Sonia – she and also her family have been so kind to me. I mean, I am a complete stranger for her family. Even Sonia & I have been close friends only for a couple of years.
Here, I have gone out with the family for movies and on day trips and they have ensured that my days here are not uneventful. I was helped in my househunt with some agent contact details & even visited a few buildings with Sonia. Her brother helped me with a few agents he knows. Her parents are extremely sweet and talking with them when I was at their place helped me calm down during my initial stressful days here.
All in all, like I said – yes the city overwhelms you – but the people I have here – their selfless support has overwhelmed me more.
------
On a side note – finally my family is here. Mom & dad, who left today, were here for 10 days to visit/vacation and help set up the house. However, looking back, it seems vacationing was the last thing on their mind as the house set up process has been totally put on the fast track ! They were here for a total of 10 days.. and I am sure I will see them again in 3-4 months, when they come back !
And, Nidhi – 45 days without her ! the last highest number of days I last spent without her was…4 ! I have missed her in each and everything I have done here.
But finally, I have her here.. for this exciting new journey, I have my co-pilot, ready to fly with me..
There are 3 very important sets of people who have gone out of their way to help me. Dinesh uncle & Meena Aunty, Varun & Nidhi and Sonia & family – all of them have treated me like one of their own family here.
Varun – of course. We have been friends for over a decade now. He was there to pick me up from the airport. He dropped me home, took me out to eat and he & his wife Nidhi ordered a cake to celebrate my birthday – Yes, I had moved to Dubai on my birthday. It made me feel so nice to have someone in the new unknown place.
Like I have mentioned earlier, house-hunting here can be a bitch. Varun was there during each and every day, almost, of my househunt. He took me around to various buildings. And the only reason I could scope multiple areas was because he took time out and drove me around everywhere. Else, it would have been too expensive & largely impossible for me to see all the houses/areas that I did.
I never had to worry about home-food. When I first ate at their place, Nidhi asked me what I was doing for food. I told her I have a few “ready to eat” packets that will help me till my Nidhi gets here. And I will manage by eating outside if I run out of packets. And she told me, “Kyu ? Bahaar kyu khaayega ? Nidhi aayegi tab tak roz yahaan aa jaa”. And, I was…overwhelmed.
Dinesh Uncle – he is an absolute angel ! I have no words to thank him or describe how much he readily does for someone who he doesn’t even know. First, he is not related to me. He is not related to Nidhi. He is the paternal uncle of one of Nidhi’s friends ! And, frankly – it would have been extremely difficult for me without his guidance& help.
He helped me during my househunt by speaking to multiple agents himself & setting up house viewings for me. He took me around Dubai on weekends. He was the one who came with me when I booked the flat and even went to a local temple here before that.
He has some relatives here and they, as a rule, have dinner together on Saturdays. I have been invited to each and every one of those family meetings.
You know what – I read my post at this stage & no matter what I write, it’s not going to do justice in describing the importance of Dinesh uncle. Suffice to say – he’s an absolute gem of a person from whom I have a lot to learn !
And.. Sonia – she and also her family have been so kind to me. I mean, I am a complete stranger for her family. Even Sonia & I have been close friends only for a couple of years.
Here, I have gone out with the family for movies and on day trips and they have ensured that my days here are not uneventful. I was helped in my househunt with some agent contact details & even visited a few buildings with Sonia. Her brother helped me with a few agents he knows. Her parents are extremely sweet and talking with them when I was at their place helped me calm down during my initial stressful days here.
All in all, like I said – yes the city overwhelms you – but the people I have here – their selfless support has overwhelmed me more.
------
On a side note – finally my family is here. Mom & dad, who left today, were here for 10 days to visit/vacation and help set up the house. However, looking back, it seems vacationing was the last thing on their mind as the house set up process has been totally put on the fast track ! They were here for a total of 10 days.. and I am sure I will see them again in 3-4 months, when they come back !
And, Nidhi – 45 days without her ! the last highest number of days I last spent without her was…4 ! I have missed her in each and everything I have done here.
But finally, I have her here.. for this exciting new journey, I have my co-pilot, ready to fly with me..
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Dubai Diaries 2: First Impressions & a Manic Househunt
One word…Opulence.
Dubai is opulence personified. Everything is larger than life. The Malls, buildings, offices, hotels, roads, cars.. everything is large. As a first timer, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed by it all. It takes time to get used to it. I feel out of place and frankly, out of my depth. This is not the type of surrounding that I have seen or experienced in daily life. And it feels kinda otherworldly to be surrounded by this orgy of…opulence !
Of course, this can be easily compared to the other Asian super-cities – Singapore & Hongkong, but like I said – I have visited both places as a tourist, not having had to lead a daily life there.
The most famous road here – Sheikh Zayed Road is like a “mine is bigger than yours” competition brought to life. Every building seems a landmark building. We have the world’s tallest residential tower, the world’s tallest hotel, the world’s tallest “luxury suites only” hotel.. and of course, the world’s tallest structure ever, by far. And yes, most of the 2nd tallest things are here too !
Like I said, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
It is difficult to imagine that this was the economy that had faced a major crash & downturn 3-4 years back. Well, everything is on the upswing now. Real estate construction is on, prices are booming & markets look optimistic.
Moving on, my first 2-3 weeks here had a sole purpose – find a house, before my sponsored hotel stay runs out.
And, I soon realized that it is not an easy process. The rental market here is crazy (I am sure that is the case at most places – however this is my 1st experience of house hunting). So, there are multiple ways you can search for a house here
1. Scourge the classifieds online or in a newspaper – house listings there may be dated, however you get numbers of many agents. Call up those agents and arrange for house viewing if they have anything which matches your specifications.
2. Property Companies – there are a few prominent property companies that do not deal through agents. Get their numbers, call them up and see if any flat is being vacated in any of their buildings
3. Random Search – select an area (diff area every couple of days), get a vehicle (cab or friends car) and drive slowly through the neighborhood. If you like any building, go in and talk to the watchman and find out whether any flat is being vacated. Leave your number and a few tens of dirhams with the watchman if you want to get lucky !
------
Well, I tried all the 3 methods. Before landing, I had already selected the area I wanted to be in – close to work (~30 mins door to door), close to shopping, supermarkets & restaurants, siginificant Indian community and close to the few people I know in Dubai. My daily schedule was something like this – go to office and since there was little to do due to most of my team being on vacation, I used to go to the online classifieds, call a few agents and set up 5-6 house viewings in late afternoon and evening. And make a list of those and a few more agents and leave in the evening. Then, steps in my support system – my friends here (details in next blog). They took me around to those places & that’s how my day ended.. and same process for the next day…
Over 2 weeks, I visited almost ALL buildings in that area and knew of all vacancies. I mean, by the end of week 2, if an agent called me with a potential house, I would have already seen it & rejected it ! I did not like most places due to a multitude of reasons & my unsuccessful evenings were getting to me. It was a tiring search. Every evening post office & full weekends – ALL gone for the househunt.
After 2 hectic single-focus weeks, I was left with a few options
1. House 1: absolutely new building, not yet opened for leasing. The Flat was very small, with 2 pigeonhole windows and barely enough storage space. When I saw this, i was actually grasping for straws in my househunt. So, in my mind, I agreed to take it up – even confirmed to the agent. The only non-negotiable point was the possession date. The builder was not ready to commit & that was a big red flag in my mind. I could not NOT have a house by mid Jan ! My hotel booking by office was (after requested extension) only till Jan 10. And by Jan end, was hoping for Nidhi to be here & parents were coming too. So, I had to have the house !
2. House 2: This was perfect, almost. Huge 1 BHK, Close to the metro, close to a few supermarkets, nice balcony facing the main road, <20 mins travel distance to work. Like I said, perfect. However, I had gone for this viewing along with Varun (a friend here, more details in next blog) & his wife. He is also searching for a house. Varun’s wife somehow did not like the house. Woman’s intuition or gut feel, call it whatever you may. She did not like it, and she could not put a finger on any tangible reason. I tried to probe her, but did not get much. Again, I had liked it and thought I will book it. I even asked Varun to give his visa copy to the agent to block the flat till the time I arrange for the initial funds. I would have taken this up on lease, had I not been bothered by Nidhi’s (Varun’s wife.. also Nidhi) gut feel. I thought, “kuch toh hoga” & decided to give it a few days. If I did not find anything else – will book this !
3. House 3: By far, my favourite. It was the one I WANTED, anyhow. Would have closed the deal during the first visit itself. Again, a HUGE I BHK, close to a metro & a mall, the area is quite lively & happening, the building had a squash court, swimming pool & gym. And, the house had a beautiful large balcony connecting the living room & bedroom. I pursued the agent relentlessly. He kept on delaying & delaying. I called him 2-3 times a day. Dinesh uncle (a friend’s uncle – an angel in this unknown land) called him & his boss multiple times, but to no avail. He ignored us & I could not do anything, but to give up my dream home here !
4. House 4: When Dinesh uncle saw it, he said, “shut your eyes & take it”. Of course, he also liked House 3, but he liked this one a lot too. So.. what about this place. Conveniently located, above a supermarket, relatively close to the metro. Located in the middle of a host of shopping malls & restaurants, huge living room, large kitchen & a huge bedroom. A nice little balcony outside the living room & a large balcony outside the kitchen overlooking a park. No gym or swimming pool in the building though ! And yeah, nice neighbours !
House 4 was a clear winner over House 1 & 2. And with no response for House 3 from the agent, I went ahead & booked House 4 !
I move sometime in mid-Jan – like they say here – inshallah !!
Dubai is opulence personified. Everything is larger than life. The Malls, buildings, offices, hotels, roads, cars.. everything is large. As a first timer, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed by it all. It takes time to get used to it. I feel out of place and frankly, out of my depth. This is not the type of surrounding that I have seen or experienced in daily life. And it feels kinda otherworldly to be surrounded by this orgy of…opulence !
Of course, this can be easily compared to the other Asian super-cities – Singapore & Hongkong, but like I said – I have visited both places as a tourist, not having had to lead a daily life there.
The most famous road here – Sheikh Zayed Road is like a “mine is bigger than yours” competition brought to life. Every building seems a landmark building. We have the world’s tallest residential tower, the world’s tallest hotel, the world’s tallest “luxury suites only” hotel.. and of course, the world’s tallest structure ever, by far. And yes, most of the 2nd tallest things are here too !
Like I said, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
It is difficult to imagine that this was the economy that had faced a major crash & downturn 3-4 years back. Well, everything is on the upswing now. Real estate construction is on, prices are booming & markets look optimistic.
Moving on, my first 2-3 weeks here had a sole purpose – find a house, before my sponsored hotel stay runs out.
And, I soon realized that it is not an easy process. The rental market here is crazy (I am sure that is the case at most places – however this is my 1st experience of house hunting). So, there are multiple ways you can search for a house here
1. Scourge the classifieds online or in a newspaper – house listings there may be dated, however you get numbers of many agents. Call up those agents and arrange for house viewing if they have anything which matches your specifications.
2. Property Companies – there are a few prominent property companies that do not deal through agents. Get their numbers, call them up and see if any flat is being vacated in any of their buildings
3. Random Search – select an area (diff area every couple of days), get a vehicle (cab or friends car) and drive slowly through the neighborhood. If you like any building, go in and talk to the watchman and find out whether any flat is being vacated. Leave your number and a few tens of dirhams with the watchman if you want to get lucky !
------
Well, I tried all the 3 methods. Before landing, I had already selected the area I wanted to be in – close to work (~30 mins door to door), close to shopping, supermarkets & restaurants, siginificant Indian community and close to the few people I know in Dubai. My daily schedule was something like this – go to office and since there was little to do due to most of my team being on vacation, I used to go to the online classifieds, call a few agents and set up 5-6 house viewings in late afternoon and evening. And make a list of those and a few more agents and leave in the evening. Then, steps in my support system – my friends here (details in next blog). They took me around to those places & that’s how my day ended.. and same process for the next day…
Over 2 weeks, I visited almost ALL buildings in that area and knew of all vacancies. I mean, by the end of week 2, if an agent called me with a potential house, I would have already seen it & rejected it ! I did not like most places due to a multitude of reasons & my unsuccessful evenings were getting to me. It was a tiring search. Every evening post office & full weekends – ALL gone for the househunt.
After 2 hectic single-focus weeks, I was left with a few options
1. House 1: absolutely new building, not yet opened for leasing. The Flat was very small, with 2 pigeonhole windows and barely enough storage space. When I saw this, i was actually grasping for straws in my househunt. So, in my mind, I agreed to take it up – even confirmed to the agent. The only non-negotiable point was the possession date. The builder was not ready to commit & that was a big red flag in my mind. I could not NOT have a house by mid Jan ! My hotel booking by office was (after requested extension) only till Jan 10. And by Jan end, was hoping for Nidhi to be here & parents were coming too. So, I had to have the house !
2. House 2: This was perfect, almost. Huge 1 BHK, Close to the metro, close to a few supermarkets, nice balcony facing the main road, <20 mins travel distance to work. Like I said, perfect. However, I had gone for this viewing along with Varun (a friend here, more details in next blog) & his wife. He is also searching for a house. Varun’s wife somehow did not like the house. Woman’s intuition or gut feel, call it whatever you may. She did not like it, and she could not put a finger on any tangible reason. I tried to probe her, but did not get much. Again, I had liked it and thought I will book it. I even asked Varun to give his visa copy to the agent to block the flat till the time I arrange for the initial funds. I would have taken this up on lease, had I not been bothered by Nidhi’s (Varun’s wife.. also Nidhi) gut feel. I thought, “kuch toh hoga” & decided to give it a few days. If I did not find anything else – will book this !
3. House 3: By far, my favourite. It was the one I WANTED, anyhow. Would have closed the deal during the first visit itself. Again, a HUGE I BHK, close to a metro & a mall, the area is quite lively & happening, the building had a squash court, swimming pool & gym. And, the house had a beautiful large balcony connecting the living room & bedroom. I pursued the agent relentlessly. He kept on delaying & delaying. I called him 2-3 times a day. Dinesh uncle (a friend’s uncle – an angel in this unknown land) called him & his boss multiple times, but to no avail. He ignored us & I could not do anything, but to give up my dream home here !
4. House 4: When Dinesh uncle saw it, he said, “shut your eyes & take it”. Of course, he also liked House 3, but he liked this one a lot too. So.. what about this place. Conveniently located, above a supermarket, relatively close to the metro. Located in the middle of a host of shopping malls & restaurants, huge living room, large kitchen & a huge bedroom. A nice little balcony outside the living room & a large balcony outside the kitchen overlooking a park. No gym or swimming pool in the building though ! And yeah, nice neighbours !
House 4 was a clear winner over House 1 & 2. And with no response for House 3 from the agent, I went ahead & booked House 4 !
I move sometime in mid-Jan – like they say here – inshallah !!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Dubai Diaries 1: Goodbye India
Why ? I still find myself asking myself Why ?
I have moved to Dubai, and as the date was drawing closer, the questioning of the decision has only increased.
The logical answer is that I have managed to get a good job there – the employer is globally recognized, working in this geography gives me international exposure, the scope of work is wider than what I had been doing previously, growth opportunities seem better. All well & good.
However, I have my parents in India.. I have my family there..I have my friends there.. life is comfortable.. I had a decent job that I was enjoying.. my travel time to work (a huge pain in Mumbai) was very less..I lived at home.. there was no rent I had to pay..expenses were minimal.. we were making enough savings.. we were happy.. there was no dissatisfaction..
Then Why ?
Yes, I listed down the logical rationale. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that cannot be the only reason.. that should not be the only reason !
Dubai is an expensive place, my savings wont be astronomically higher than what im making now. In fact, I would be giving up a lot of comforts there, which if I spend on, my savings would further reduce. So yes, if money was the only factor, I would NOT be moving there.
And to think of it, most people move because they are making much more !
Next – future prospects – yes, they seem brighter with a global firm & international exposure. However, at the cost of moving away from family & friends.. umm, not a fair bargain..
So, again.. WHY ?
And so, I delved some more into it.
No one knows this – when I had started out on my career, 6 years back, my colleagues were all from out of Mumbai, living alone in the city, managing their lives along with work. Me, I had it sorted like most of the people living & working in the same city. Mom made food that I carried, did not have to worry about rent and daily comforts like washing & ironing, did not need to buy a car etc. And when I spoke to my colleagues, I was attracted to the idea of having to face daily obstacles & managing your life. I went to my parents and proosed that I move out, as an experiment, for a year & live like my colleagues were living. Just to know how I can manage & whether I will survive (of course, it was very exciting as I was thinking I will live like characters of “FRIENDS” did). I wanted to have a roommate, worry about the apartment, pay the rent, and other accompanying stuff.. the whole idea was exciting. Of course, I was shut down by my parents and that idea died there.
Now, maybe this move to Dubai gives me the chance to live that dream. Yes, it’s a different set of circumstances. It’s a different country, not the same city. I am not single anymore, I am married & responsible for my wife too. Luckily, she encouraged me to take up this offer & has been with me all through. Of course, we had 2nd thoughts and we told ourselves that this would be a 2 year thing.. maybe a 3 year thing. However, one can’t decide for the future. The only decision we had to make is whether to go to Dubai or not. And then we take it from there.
So, the opportunity to live on your own may the driving force. The excitement of setting up your home, living in a new city, settling in, making a living, struggling, succeeding..is something that I am looking forward to and that is something that excites me. (sounds a bit like Ranbir’s “mujhe udna hai, girna hai” speech from Yeh Jawaani.. but yeah, kinda true).
What makes the decision is easier is that it’s a place close to home, travel time by air is 3 hours, tickets are affordable – so it will be easy to be in touch with family back home. And we told each other – what is the worst case scenario – we would have to come back sooner than expected if things don’t work out. Well, if we can envisage and manage the worst case scenario – gotta give it a shot.
And that shot is what we are giving. Hope it works out for the best, And yes, the intention is to come back home.
Goodbye India.. for now...
I have moved to Dubai, and as the date was drawing closer, the questioning of the decision has only increased.
The logical answer is that I have managed to get a good job there – the employer is globally recognized, working in this geography gives me international exposure, the scope of work is wider than what I had been doing previously, growth opportunities seem better. All well & good.
However, I have my parents in India.. I have my family there..I have my friends there.. life is comfortable.. I had a decent job that I was enjoying.. my travel time to work (a huge pain in Mumbai) was very less..I lived at home.. there was no rent I had to pay..expenses were minimal.. we were making enough savings.. we were happy.. there was no dissatisfaction..
Then Why ?
Yes, I listed down the logical rationale. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that cannot be the only reason.. that should not be the only reason !
Dubai is an expensive place, my savings wont be astronomically higher than what im making now. In fact, I would be giving up a lot of comforts there, which if I spend on, my savings would further reduce. So yes, if money was the only factor, I would NOT be moving there.
And to think of it, most people move because they are making much more !
Next – future prospects – yes, they seem brighter with a global firm & international exposure. However, at the cost of moving away from family & friends.. umm, not a fair bargain..
So, again.. WHY ?
And so, I delved some more into it.
No one knows this – when I had started out on my career, 6 years back, my colleagues were all from out of Mumbai, living alone in the city, managing their lives along with work. Me, I had it sorted like most of the people living & working in the same city. Mom made food that I carried, did not have to worry about rent and daily comforts like washing & ironing, did not need to buy a car etc. And when I spoke to my colleagues, I was attracted to the idea of having to face daily obstacles & managing your life. I went to my parents and proosed that I move out, as an experiment, for a year & live like my colleagues were living. Just to know how I can manage & whether I will survive (of course, it was very exciting as I was thinking I will live like characters of “FRIENDS” did). I wanted to have a roommate, worry about the apartment, pay the rent, and other accompanying stuff.. the whole idea was exciting. Of course, I was shut down by my parents and that idea died there.
Now, maybe this move to Dubai gives me the chance to live that dream. Yes, it’s a different set of circumstances. It’s a different country, not the same city. I am not single anymore, I am married & responsible for my wife too. Luckily, she encouraged me to take up this offer & has been with me all through. Of course, we had 2nd thoughts and we told ourselves that this would be a 2 year thing.. maybe a 3 year thing. However, one can’t decide for the future. The only decision we had to make is whether to go to Dubai or not. And then we take it from there.
So, the opportunity to live on your own may the driving force. The excitement of setting up your home, living in a new city, settling in, making a living, struggling, succeeding..is something that I am looking forward to and that is something that excites me. (sounds a bit like Ranbir’s “mujhe udna hai, girna hai” speech from Yeh Jawaani.. but yeah, kinda true).
What makes the decision is easier is that it’s a place close to home, travel time by air is 3 hours, tickets are affordable – so it will be easy to be in touch with family back home. And we told each other – what is the worst case scenario – we would have to come back sooner than expected if things don’t work out. Well, if we can envisage and manage the worst case scenario – gotta give it a shot.
And that shot is what we are giving. Hope it works out for the best, And yes, the intention is to come back home.
Goodbye India.. for now...
Friday, July 19, 2013
Not to be... (Part 2)
Not to be: Part 1
---------
...continued
Now, it was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseaable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop would prevent such a scene in any case.
He reached early and was waiting for her. She came soon, dressed in purple. The dark colour was in perfect contrast with her beautiful, smooth, fair skin. Ah, she looked angelic. He regretted not having shaved off his stubble. He convinced himself - maybe she liked the rugged look !
He held her hand - it fit perfectly into his. She did not resist. She liked the warmth of his hands. He was sad, upset. He knew how the conversation would proceed. She was smiling, the twinkle in her eyes always present. He hoped that the smile hid some amount of sadness & regret. He wanted to hear from her how she felt about him. Little did he know that he never would, ever.
He was not his usual self. He found it hard to talk, to smile, to make conversation. There was a lump in his throat, that brought tears to the edge of his eye. But, he refused to cry. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to show her that he also could be strong like her. He wanted to lie to her - just this one time.
She was truly lady-like in her approach, the only exception being that she did not withdraw her hand from his.
She kept talking, and he kept fidgeting with her fingers.
Suddenly, he interrupted her irrelevant talks.
"are you sure ?"
She was silent for a while. "Yes"
"This is just not fair", he resigned.
"I know.. but, the doors are closed on our relationship"
"they are not closed. you have shut them ! I want you to open the door for me.."
And, then, as she dithered to reply, he gave up. Whatever hopes he had, came crashing down. He knew it wasn't going to be. It was meant to be. It was perfect. But it was not going to happen.
He will be with someone else. She will be with someone else. They both might very well be happy in their individual lives. But for him, one question will always persistently bother him - What if ? What if ?
She mentioned something about them not having a snap together. He asked the waiter to click a snap. He even smiled. They would both preserve this photograph, this only photograph of their together, forever.
Although he smiled for the photograph, his mind was elsewhere. He had never felt this helpless. He was a guy who liked to be in control. He realised that this time, he would have to let go.
Soon, the coffees became as cold as the conversation died down. They stood, her hand still in his, almost like they had forgotten they are holding hands.
And they walked out. He was lost. She betrayed no sadness, gave him nothing to capitalise on, showed no weakness. In this moment, for this reason, he hated her. But not as much as he loved her.
She was about to get into a vehicle to head home. As she stepped in, he dint get go of her hand. He pulled her back towards him. And held her close. Closer than he had ever held her. Closer than public modesty would allow. But still not as close as he really wanted to hold her.
He looked into her eyes. And, for the first time, they betrayed the facade she was putting up. Yes, they said, yes i feel the same. Her eyes told him what her lips never did. Or that is what he wanted to believe !
And they stood for what seemed like an eternity. He closed his eyes. He had no way of knowing that she did the same, almost immediately. He leaned in towards her. He put one hand lightly on the back of her neck, and simultaneously she placed one hand lightly on his hip. And they kissed on the street. And, she, who did not open the door for him, pliantly opened her lips to meet his.
It was not they perfect moment, by far. It was hot, humid, polluted, noisy and populated. But they did not see anything else. They did not feel anything else. It was the sweetest kiss that either of them would ever know.
Their lips parted after what seemed like forever, but still too less. She got into the waiting vehicle, her eyes still closed.
She wanted the last image of his to be that of him leaning in to kiss her. He let her hand go, tantalisingly slow, and watched her vehicle speed away from him.
That was the last time they would see each other, like I said, for the relevant future.
----The End---
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Not to be... (Part 1)
It was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseeable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop prevent such a scene in any case.
It wasn't long ago that they had met. In fact, it was only a month back that they had first seen each other in person after school.
They weren't friends in school. She was the prettiest girl & he was among the many who only looked from a distance wishing they could be friends. She had left school before the final year and moved to Indonesia.
Since, there was no friendship to begin with, they had never been in touch. Also, there was not mechanism to be in touch. Neither had cellphones, there was no Facebook.
Fast-forward 10 years. He was now a confident young man. She was, for him, still the prettiest girl. They were "friends" on Facebook, which meant that he checked out all her latest photograph uploads, but never chatted with her.
One fine day, there was a photograph upload that he could not resist admiring and staring at for hours together. He had to tell her ! The internet medium, wherein you can chat without being face-to-face, lent him a lot of courage. He chatted - "you are looking absolutely stunning in your dp". And thus began a friendship. He realised that beautiful girls are also from the same planet & equally human. She realised that the geek from school, a non-entity to her at that point of time, had grown into a fine, young, funny man.
They kept chatting and with the advent of BBM, became even closer. Predictably, the guy fell in love with her. Predictably, the girl's feelings were never explicitly expressed !
And then something happened that the guy was waiting for. The girl decided to travel to India...for a month. He decided to woo her, as much as she allowed him to !
The first time they met, again, was a neutral place - an early morning jogging park. He saw her for the first time in person for over 10 years. She was as enchanting as ever. A pristine face, a "come fall in love with me" smile, long black-brown tresses that fell below her waistline. He, largely a confident guy, fell inadequate, even undeserving. For him, she felt as unattainable now as she felt unapproachable in school. But he wasn't gonna sit on his ass this time round !
And when they met, after the first few awkward moments - he kept stealing glances at her, and felt a loss of words, she wondered why the normally chatty guy had lost his tongue - they started talking. The ice shattered, and a comfort level was soon established. They laughed - he cracked the jokes, however, she was witty in her own way. They spoke about everything and nothing. They shared their feelings. They spoke about their families. They spoke about their insecurities. They spoke about their dreams.
The guy was elated, he was in love. The girl was scared, maybe she felt the same too. He wanted to hold her, maybe she wanted it to. But, that day and on the days following, he did no such thing.
And, thus, their talks continued. She really felt that he was the guy she would want to be with, he was the guy who she would be happy with, in every which way. However, it wasn't just her feelings that mattered. She envisaged a lot of opposition from her family for reasons that she felt convincing enough.
They spoke about it. He was livid. All that mattered to him was that 2 people love each other (mind you, she had never uttered those words explicitly, and would never do so...ever) and want to be with each other. Everything else can be taken care of.
However, she felt otherwise.
He was not known to explode with anger. He respected her and her feelings. He was sad, upset, angry. But those feelings were nothing against the feelings of love, respect and trust he had for her. If she said it ain't happening, it ain't happening.
And so, the month ended.
Now, it was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseaable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop prevent such a scene in any case......
.....to be continued........
It wasn't long ago that they had met. In fact, it was only a month back that they had first seen each other in person after school.
They weren't friends in school. She was the prettiest girl & he was among the many who only looked from a distance wishing they could be friends. She had left school before the final year and moved to Indonesia.
Since, there was no friendship to begin with, they had never been in touch. Also, there was not mechanism to be in touch. Neither had cellphones, there was no Facebook.
Fast-forward 10 years. He was now a confident young man. She was, for him, still the prettiest girl. They were "friends" on Facebook, which meant that he checked out all her latest photograph uploads, but never chatted with her.
One fine day, there was a photograph upload that he could not resist admiring and staring at for hours together. He had to tell her ! The internet medium, wherein you can chat without being face-to-face, lent him a lot of courage. He chatted - "you are looking absolutely stunning in your dp". And thus began a friendship. He realised that beautiful girls are also from the same planet & equally human. She realised that the geek from school, a non-entity to her at that point of time, had grown into a fine, young, funny man.
They kept chatting and with the advent of BBM, became even closer. Predictably, the guy fell in love with her. Predictably, the girl's feelings were never explicitly expressed !
And then something happened that the guy was waiting for. The girl decided to travel to India...for a month. He decided to woo her, as much as she allowed him to !
The first time they met, again, was a neutral place - an early morning jogging park. He saw her for the first time in person for over 10 years. She was as enchanting as ever. A pristine face, a "come fall in love with me" smile, long black-brown tresses that fell below her waistline. He, largely a confident guy, fell inadequate, even undeserving. For him, she felt as unattainable now as she felt unapproachable in school. But he wasn't gonna sit on his ass this time round !
And when they met, after the first few awkward moments - he kept stealing glances at her, and felt a loss of words, she wondered why the normally chatty guy had lost his tongue - they started talking. The ice shattered, and a comfort level was soon established. They laughed - he cracked the jokes, however, she was witty in her own way. They spoke about everything and nothing. They shared their feelings. They spoke about their families. They spoke about their insecurities. They spoke about their dreams.
The guy was elated, he was in love. The girl was scared, maybe she felt the same too. He wanted to hold her, maybe she wanted it to. But, that day and on the days following, he did no such thing.
And, thus, their talks continued. She really felt that he was the guy she would want to be with, he was the guy who she would be happy with, in every which way. However, it wasn't just her feelings that mattered. She envisaged a lot of opposition from her family for reasons that she felt convincing enough.
They spoke about it. He was livid. All that mattered to him was that 2 people love each other (mind you, she had never uttered those words explicitly, and would never do so...ever) and want to be with each other. Everything else can be taken care of.
However, she felt otherwise.
He was not known to explode with anger. He respected her and her feelings. He was sad, upset, angry. But those feelings were nothing against the feelings of love, respect and trust he had for her. If she said it ain't happening, it ain't happening.
And so, the month ended.
Now, it was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseaable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop prevent such a scene in any case......
.....to be continued........
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Think of the Devil....
He looked down, what looked like miles below, cars zooming past signals, humans looking like ants running amok among scattered crumbs. The moon, of course had no business interfering, so it stared, nonchalantly and continued to shine upon a dismal world. He wiped away a tear that seemed almost on the verge of stepping out of the comfy confines of his eyelids. "Today i shall fall; from the top of a building",he thought and that's when the past came hurtling back, like an unruly truck without a driver. His life was the way it was supposed to play out in the movies; his girl dumped him for someone richer, he lost his job to recession. The latest was his landlord finally asking him to vacate the house. So here he was, talking to himself, playing out the movie of his Life, and close to writing the climax. This is how it was all supposed to end. He would jump off this building, stop traffic for sometime,till a few screams later, someone would finally scrape him off the sidewalk. Quite simple actually.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you", someone spoke from behind him. The shock almost knocked him off balance, into the screaming nothingness below, but he just managed to balance himself. He couldn't let his death be an accident.It had to be a well thought of exit from this world to the next.No accidents please !
The man was standing in the shadows and was not clearly visible. He wore a shirt and pants, all dark colored, not revealing anything about him. Besides, when he had come on the terrace to end his life, he clearly remembered himself being alone.
"I am the Devil himself", the man said and moved forward. He was now standing in the dimmed neon glow of the single bulb that flickered on the terrace. The man was, no offence whatsoever, ordinary. He looked like he could use some upgradation. So our very own "suicide man" asked the question that would probably be bubbling in some corner of your brain now,
"You dont Look like the devil."
"If you had expected me to come with my tail and pitchfork, I am sorry to have broken your heart", he retorted, smartly fishing out a cigerette from his pocket and lighting it. The glow from the match revealed what the bleak bulb could not; two pointy little stubs sticking out of his head. That proved it then. This was the devil. The suicide man believed it and he did not need a certificate.
Smoke rose up, forming a little stinky cloud of cigarette smoke, as he continued, "I had thought you would take longer, you know. A few setbacks and you want to come storming, right up my ass! Whatever happened to perseverance and 'things get better'? Couldnt we all use a little more time?"
This was starting to get a little weird for someone who had come up to put a period to his life's sentence. He stared at the man who claimed to be The Devil and wondered if this was all a dream. He looked down at the traffic which was still moving just as he had left it.He finally mustered the courage to ask him what had been troubling his mind, "Wouldnt you be happy to have me as a part of your army? Or maybe in the league or whatever you call it?"
"Accomodation is a problem everywhere dude",the Devil said slowly, rings of smoke drifting out of his mouth. "Its this new thing that I have started.I try to reduce as much traffic up there as I can, and ask people like you to hang around here. A little bit of effort and things start getting chirpy. Trust me, its happened to people before you, and there is no reason why it wouldnt happen to you! All I am saying is stick around for a while and if you still don't like it, then you anyways have a one-way ticket to my place!"
Flashback: His things were all over the place when she had spoken her final words, "you could do better you know. Better than this atleast!" And then, with a swooping motion she had crashed the vase that had been standing like a gatekeeper at the corner of his room for years. The sound echoed in his head like a hollow drum. He shut his eyes tight and when he opened them, he was still standing in front of The Devil in overalls, smoking the common man's cigarette.
"Ok, how's this for a deal; you dont jump now, and I don't tell anyone up there that you were a sissy. Infact no one needs to know that you committed suicide.If you let it go for now, I would pass off your death as a heroic attempt to make an old lady cross the road, whenever you die. That way you get a double deal!"
Funny. He had come to end it all, and here was the Devil, trying to take him off the ledge like a cunning insurance agent.Had he not been there, his existence would have been a myth by now. Ash to ash, dust to dust.
But the last one finally struck home. Here was a chance of living off another week, maybe more, and then entering the next place in style. He would give it his best shot and hope things to work out.If it didn't, he already had, as they said "the devil on his side".
So he spoke, "All right Mr Devil. I like your proposal. I am not going to kill myself right now. Instead, as it happens in the good stories, I would try to be a better person or whatever they call it. But if that doesn't work out, you know you would have to deliver."
"You have the devil's word my boy. Now go before I change my mind", he said and looked up to a sky, blosing some more smoke. Within seconds, our suicide man, was gone from the terrace, leaving the smoker to his own tending.
He stubbed out the cigerrete and reached out for his horns. "Almost real", he smiled to himself and took off the stylish hairband that he found in the day's garbage. Removing it carefully, so the horns would not be damaged, he stuffed it in his coat pocket and walked towards the door, mumbling to himself,
"I wish being the janitor of this building was a little easier..."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you", someone spoke from behind him. The shock almost knocked him off balance, into the screaming nothingness below, but he just managed to balance himself. He couldn't let his death be an accident.It had to be a well thought of exit from this world to the next.No accidents please !
The man was standing in the shadows and was not clearly visible. He wore a shirt and pants, all dark colored, not revealing anything about him. Besides, when he had come on the terrace to end his life, he clearly remembered himself being alone.
"I am the Devil himself", the man said and moved forward. He was now standing in the dimmed neon glow of the single bulb that flickered on the terrace. The man was, no offence whatsoever, ordinary. He looked like he could use some upgradation. So our very own "suicide man" asked the question that would probably be bubbling in some corner of your brain now,
"You dont Look like the devil."
"If you had expected me to come with my tail and pitchfork, I am sorry to have broken your heart", he retorted, smartly fishing out a cigerette from his pocket and lighting it. The glow from the match revealed what the bleak bulb could not; two pointy little stubs sticking out of his head. That proved it then. This was the devil. The suicide man believed it and he did not need a certificate.
Smoke rose up, forming a little stinky cloud of cigarette smoke, as he continued, "I had thought you would take longer, you know. A few setbacks and you want to come storming, right up my ass! Whatever happened to perseverance and 'things get better'? Couldnt we all use a little more time?"
This was starting to get a little weird for someone who had come up to put a period to his life's sentence. He stared at the man who claimed to be The Devil and wondered if this was all a dream. He looked down at the traffic which was still moving just as he had left it.He finally mustered the courage to ask him what had been troubling his mind, "Wouldnt you be happy to have me as a part of your army? Or maybe in the league or whatever you call it?"
"Accomodation is a problem everywhere dude",the Devil said slowly, rings of smoke drifting out of his mouth. "Its this new thing that I have started.I try to reduce as much traffic up there as I can, and ask people like you to hang around here. A little bit of effort and things start getting chirpy. Trust me, its happened to people before you, and there is no reason why it wouldnt happen to you! All I am saying is stick around for a while and if you still don't like it, then you anyways have a one-way ticket to my place!"
Flashback: His things were all over the place when she had spoken her final words, "you could do better you know. Better than this atleast!" And then, with a swooping motion she had crashed the vase that had been standing like a gatekeeper at the corner of his room for years. The sound echoed in his head like a hollow drum. He shut his eyes tight and when he opened them, he was still standing in front of The Devil in overalls, smoking the common man's cigarette.
"Ok, how's this for a deal; you dont jump now, and I don't tell anyone up there that you were a sissy. Infact no one needs to know that you committed suicide.If you let it go for now, I would pass off your death as a heroic attempt to make an old lady cross the road, whenever you die. That way you get a double deal!"
Funny. He had come to end it all, and here was the Devil, trying to take him off the ledge like a cunning insurance agent.Had he not been there, his existence would have been a myth by now. Ash to ash, dust to dust.
But the last one finally struck home. Here was a chance of living off another week, maybe more, and then entering the next place in style. He would give it his best shot and hope things to work out.If it didn't, he already had, as they said "the devil on his side".
So he spoke, "All right Mr Devil. I like your proposal. I am not going to kill myself right now. Instead, as it happens in the good stories, I would try to be a better person or whatever they call it. But if that doesn't work out, you know you would have to deliver."
"You have the devil's word my boy. Now go before I change my mind", he said and looked up to a sky, blosing some more smoke. Within seconds, our suicide man, was gone from the terrace, leaving the smoker to his own tending.
He stubbed out the cigerrete and reached out for his horns. "Almost real", he smiled to himself and took off the stylish hairband that he found in the day's garbage. Removing it carefully, so the horns would not be damaged, he stuffed it in his coat pocket and walked towards the door, mumbling to himself,
"I wish being the janitor of this building was a little easier..."
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