Magic, I said, in my last post, didn’t I ? Such a beautiful feeling, so many emotions going through me…When I lifted R and looked at her – I felt Magic, right ? Well, it does not take long for Magic to turn to Manic !
As R completes as much time outside the womb as she did inside, I want to recap, briefly, the various manic phases that we went through during this time.
Phase 1: Jaago Zaraa
We want to create memories for our children, don’t we? We have the means to do so. When I was a baby, the camera was not digital and the camera film rolls were expensive. You couldn’t click as many photos as you want to and then delete the shaky ones. Videos ? What was that ?
Now, we click our children like paparazzi clicking film stars. I have R’s first yawn, first look at N, first maalish, first bath, first roll over, first everything captured and saved in some archive on my hard drive.
But, the only distinct memory of those first months that I will carry with me is the lack of sleep. I was with the family during only the first month after R’s birth – but the total sleep was only as much as one would sleep in a few days.
R was not just like any baby who stays up. She was special. She was colic. Just like her father, as I was told later. As if that helped !
So, colic – it is something that the doctors use as an excuse when they do not know what is wrong with the baby. Here’s a sample conversation scene at 2 am in the night when we rushed with R to the hospital as she would not stop crying. Also, it is only one of many such 2-3 am scenes
Participants: R, N, me, my mom and/or dad, the receptionist at the main desk, 2 junior doctors, 1 senior doctor (SD), many sleepy faces in the hospital corridor who have been rudely woken up.
Scene: I am carrying R, and trying to rock her to sleep (more aptly, doing anything to shut her up). N and my mom are waiting for the senior doctor as the juniors are incapable of diagnosing R. Like I said, she was special ! Hers’ is the only sound in the quiet of the night. The senior doctor walks in..
N: Doctor, she won’t stop crying
SD: Again ? Weren’t you here day before?
N/Me/Mom: Yes, but she is crying again
SD: Let me have a look.
We wait as the doctor inspects R’s ears, nose, mouth, stomach etc. for any signs of anything. And then he asks the MAIN question that all doctors want the answer to be Yes to.
SD: Is she exclusively breastfed ?
Now, this is a “get out of jail free” card for the doctors. Apparently, if the answer to the above is yes, nothing can happen to the baby. If she were to fall off the bed, she would float and land on a feather – as long as she is exclusively breastfed. If she were fed a burger when she is a month old, she will poo proper pav bhaji – again, as long as she is exclusively breastfed.
We fell for it, didn’t we. We answered yes. Then came the observation that we could have arrived to ourselves without the doctor’s help.
“It must be colic. You can’t do anything. Some babies are like this. Give her XYZ to soothe her stomach and hope for the best.”
Right ! That hope for the best is going to bring us here in another couple of days !
Anyways, it was a tough and trying few months when colic was cited the reason for her crying at the randomest of times, always at night. Of course, she continues crying – but now it’s for reasons for which we can do something – she is either hungry, feeling hot, feeling cold, has poo’d etc.
Phase 2: Abba Dabba Jabba
After the first few months, we were sleeping better, R had mastered rolling over and it seemed like that’s all she wanted to do.
As we sung to her while rocking her to sleep, she started humming with us ! She used to hum herself to sleep. Sometimes, it would be 10 mins of continuous humming by her before she used to turn her head and drift off to sleep.
There were one-off mamama’s in the middle some times. But, the fun began when she started babbling contantly. Suddenly one day, while she was humming, came out a long “aaabababaaaababababaababa” – yep, long time no c !
It was fascinating. We started trying to teach her to say the thing we want to hear – mama and papa and dada. But she was adamant – aabbaa aabbaa bababab it was for a long long time.
Phase 3: Tum shabri, hum bhagwaan Ram
Feeding a toddler can make you patient, like no other activity. It’s such a difficult job feeding “solids” to a toddler. Of course, by solids I mean mashed fruits, lentils, vegetable purees and the like. R can put an Olympic gymnast to shame by the way she twists her body to get out of our lap or the high chair or anywhere she is when we feed her. Earlier, she could not do much, except twist herself out of our laps, but now as she starts crawling – she escapes our clutches and speeds away to some corner of the house where she thinks the spoon full of the tasteless goeey stuff can’t reach her.
We have tried switching on the TV, one of us singing to her, putting her noise-making toys in front of her, feeding her as she is playing so she doesn’t realise that she’s being fed, dancing in front of her to distract her (yes, our cleaner does “balle balle” in front of her as N feed her spoon by spoon. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t get time to do the dishes properly). But, 2 spoons of anything and she starts her trials for the Olympic Games in 2032.
The funniest such attempt of ours was when, before giving her the spoon, we pretended to eat from her spoon, purposefully let some stuff stick to our lip as she can see that we have genuinely eaten the same thing we are giving her, and then feeding her. It works, at times. She readily accepts the spoon. But of course, she soon realizes that as we are feeding her some bland dal-khichdi, we are simultaneously having pani puri in our plates. Well, that’s how gold medal winning gymnasts are trained.
Phase 4: saat samundar paar main tere peeche peeche….
What gets me through my usually dreary day is the anticipation of seeing R when I open my house door. There have been times when the smile she gives me takes away all the tiredness of the day and I just want to hold her, hug her and play with her. Of course, there are times when she ignores my presence and continues playing with her toys – but why would I talk about that !
One of the times that will always stay with me was the first time she crawled up to me as I entered home. Now, let me be truthful. I had seen this dad-baby video on youtube where all babies crawled, ran, danced with happiness when the fathers came home from work. Nothing of that sort had happened to me since the time R had learnt crawling. The closest I had gotten to it was some beautiful 5 second smiles before the focus was shifted to the closest toy. Needless to say, I was getting anxious !
But it happened - it happened ! As soon as I opened the door, she shrieked with happiness and started crawling towards me. It was slow, with many distractions along the way, once when she almost turned around, even. But she eventually reached me, after much goading from me and after I had closed down the distance to half by going towards her – but who’s looking at specifics !
Talking about crawling – once crawling starts, it makes life difficult for parents. As all the baby wants to do is crawl. I have realized that difficult to reach places like bottom of the sofa, the small gap at the bottom of your shoe rack, inside of the refrigerator, inside of the TV cabinet are the places they like to aim for. Just like Abhimanyu. And with crawling, also begins their culinary experimentation. They start tasting a variety of new foods – shoes, socks, nail cutters lost behind the bed rest, phone chargers, TV wires etc. im not sure that fits into the food chart for a 9 month old.
And now, there is no escaping her. If we go to the kitchen, she follows. If we go out the door, she follows. If we go to the balcony, she follows. If we go to the bathroom, she follows. If we stand up, she positions herself and waits for us to move. She is ready, she is prepared. We can’t wait for her to start walking ! I’m sure things will only get easier.....
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Magic
I thought I knew what’s coming when I saw the 2 shaded lines on the home pregnancy kit. I thought I will be ready when I saw that small dot on the screen at the gynaec’s and heard my baby’s fast heartbeats (just like a running horse’s hooves). I felt sure I will be prepared when I registered myself as a “dad” on babycenter.com and whattoexpect.com and started reading their weekly posts. I actually felt at ease when I devoured multiple pregnancy and baby books. I felt SO content when the kicks stopped as I sang to the bloated tummy (yes, truly ! The magic song was "so gaya yeh jahaan" from Tezaab and the Namokar mantra). I felt confident and a bit impatient even when I successfully (or so I think) dealt with N’s morning sickness and mood swings. I felt I had it all under control as I held N’s hand and urged her (filmy style) to push in the delivery room.
But nothing prepared me, nothing could have prepared me for the moment I saw her. She was tiny and shrivelled, she was wet and sticky, she was blood stained…she was beautiful. And then, she cried ! The most beautiful sound in the world. Of course, I could have never known my feelings about her crying would drastically change later, but that rant’s for another day, another blog post.
Everything I had done, read, heard or seen earlier went to trash. I suddenly felt I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t ready. I felt like I had no idea what I would do now. I felt like I definitely did not get the memo. I felt…overwhelmed !
Later that night, as N was asleep and I was still overwhelmed and unable to sleep, I picked the little bundle up and half hoped that in true Bollywood/Hollywood style, she would hold my finger and suddenly, everything would make sense. Of course, no such thing happened. I just kept holding her steady, afraid to drop her. I kept staring at her. This was a person that I (with a little contribution from N) had created. This was the 2 shaded lines on the pregnancy kit. This being with arms and legs and face was the little dot on the gynaec’s screen. These were the legs that kicked from inside, these were the ears that heard my singing voice. It was unreal… otherworldly, even. It was a feeling that N & I kept sharing and discussing over the next few months as we saw R grow. For lack of words, to us, it can just be described as… Magic !
Disclaimers:
In no way do I take anything away from what my wife (N) had to face during pregnancy. It was infinitely more than what I faced and I can only hope I was enough of a support. However, this blog remains purely my perspective, a dad’s perspective
But nothing prepared me, nothing could have prepared me for the moment I saw her. She was tiny and shrivelled, she was wet and sticky, she was blood stained…she was beautiful. And then, she cried ! The most beautiful sound in the world. Of course, I could have never known my feelings about her crying would drastically change later, but that rant’s for another day, another blog post.
Everything I had done, read, heard or seen earlier went to trash. I suddenly felt I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t ready. I felt like I had no idea what I would do now. I felt like I definitely did not get the memo. I felt…overwhelmed !
Later that night, as N was asleep and I was still overwhelmed and unable to sleep, I picked the little bundle up and half hoped that in true Bollywood/Hollywood style, she would hold my finger and suddenly, everything would make sense. Of course, no such thing happened. I just kept holding her steady, afraid to drop her. I kept staring at her. This was a person that I (with a little contribution from N) had created. This was the 2 shaded lines on the pregnancy kit. This being with arms and legs and face was the little dot on the gynaec’s screen. These were the legs that kicked from inside, these were the ears that heard my singing voice. It was unreal… otherworldly, even. It was a feeling that N & I kept sharing and discussing over the next few months as we saw R grow. For lack of words, to us, it can just be described as… Magic !
Disclaimers:
In no way do I take anything away from what my wife (N) had to face during pregnancy. It was infinitely more than what I faced and I can only hope I was enough of a support. However, this blog remains purely my perspective, a dad’s perspective
Monday, February 3, 2014
Dubai Diaries 3: ....friends indeed
My last post said that Dubai, with all its grandeur, seemed overwhelming for a newcomer. I will use this post to mention how there was something more overwhelming that I found – the support, help & love that I got from the few known people here.
There are 3 very important sets of people who have gone out of their way to help me. Dinesh uncle & Meena Aunty, Varun & Nidhi and Sonia & family – all of them have treated me like one of their own family here.
Varun – of course. We have been friends for over a decade now. He was there to pick me up from the airport. He dropped me home, took me out to eat and he & his wife Nidhi ordered a cake to celebrate my birthday – Yes, I had moved to Dubai on my birthday. It made me feel so nice to have someone in the new unknown place.
Like I have mentioned earlier, house-hunting here can be a bitch. Varun was there during each and every day, almost, of my househunt. He took me around to various buildings. And the only reason I could scope multiple areas was because he took time out and drove me around everywhere. Else, it would have been too expensive & largely impossible for me to see all the houses/areas that I did.
I never had to worry about home-food. When I first ate at their place, Nidhi asked me what I was doing for food. I told her I have a few “ready to eat” packets that will help me till my Nidhi gets here. And I will manage by eating outside if I run out of packets. And she told me, “Kyu ? Bahaar kyu khaayega ? Nidhi aayegi tab tak roz yahaan aa jaa”. And, I was…overwhelmed.
Dinesh Uncle – he is an absolute angel ! I have no words to thank him or describe how much he readily does for someone who he doesn’t even know. First, he is not related to me. He is not related to Nidhi. He is the paternal uncle of one of Nidhi’s friends ! And, frankly – it would have been extremely difficult for me without his guidance& help.
He helped me during my househunt by speaking to multiple agents himself & setting up house viewings for me. He took me around Dubai on weekends. He was the one who came with me when I booked the flat and even went to a local temple here before that.
He has some relatives here and they, as a rule, have dinner together on Saturdays. I have been invited to each and every one of those family meetings.
You know what – I read my post at this stage & no matter what I write, it’s not going to do justice in describing the importance of Dinesh uncle. Suffice to say – he’s an absolute gem of a person from whom I have a lot to learn !
And.. Sonia – she and also her family have been so kind to me. I mean, I am a complete stranger for her family. Even Sonia & I have been close friends only for a couple of years.
Here, I have gone out with the family for movies and on day trips and they have ensured that my days here are not uneventful. I was helped in my househunt with some agent contact details & even visited a few buildings with Sonia. Her brother helped me with a few agents he knows. Her parents are extremely sweet and talking with them when I was at their place helped me calm down during my initial stressful days here.
All in all, like I said – yes the city overwhelms you – but the people I have here – their selfless support has overwhelmed me more.
------
On a side note – finally my family is here. Mom & dad, who left today, were here for 10 days to visit/vacation and help set up the house. However, looking back, it seems vacationing was the last thing on their mind as the house set up process has been totally put on the fast track ! They were here for a total of 10 days.. and I am sure I will see them again in 3-4 months, when they come back !
And, Nidhi – 45 days without her ! the last highest number of days I last spent without her was…4 ! I have missed her in each and everything I have done here.
But finally, I have her here.. for this exciting new journey, I have my co-pilot, ready to fly with me..
There are 3 very important sets of people who have gone out of their way to help me. Dinesh uncle & Meena Aunty, Varun & Nidhi and Sonia & family – all of them have treated me like one of their own family here.
Varun – of course. We have been friends for over a decade now. He was there to pick me up from the airport. He dropped me home, took me out to eat and he & his wife Nidhi ordered a cake to celebrate my birthday – Yes, I had moved to Dubai on my birthday. It made me feel so nice to have someone in the new unknown place.
Like I have mentioned earlier, house-hunting here can be a bitch. Varun was there during each and every day, almost, of my househunt. He took me around to various buildings. And the only reason I could scope multiple areas was because he took time out and drove me around everywhere. Else, it would have been too expensive & largely impossible for me to see all the houses/areas that I did.
I never had to worry about home-food. When I first ate at their place, Nidhi asked me what I was doing for food. I told her I have a few “ready to eat” packets that will help me till my Nidhi gets here. And I will manage by eating outside if I run out of packets. And she told me, “Kyu ? Bahaar kyu khaayega ? Nidhi aayegi tab tak roz yahaan aa jaa”. And, I was…overwhelmed.
Dinesh Uncle – he is an absolute angel ! I have no words to thank him or describe how much he readily does for someone who he doesn’t even know. First, he is not related to me. He is not related to Nidhi. He is the paternal uncle of one of Nidhi’s friends ! And, frankly – it would have been extremely difficult for me without his guidance& help.
He helped me during my househunt by speaking to multiple agents himself & setting up house viewings for me. He took me around Dubai on weekends. He was the one who came with me when I booked the flat and even went to a local temple here before that.
He has some relatives here and they, as a rule, have dinner together on Saturdays. I have been invited to each and every one of those family meetings.
You know what – I read my post at this stage & no matter what I write, it’s not going to do justice in describing the importance of Dinesh uncle. Suffice to say – he’s an absolute gem of a person from whom I have a lot to learn !
And.. Sonia – she and also her family have been so kind to me. I mean, I am a complete stranger for her family. Even Sonia & I have been close friends only for a couple of years.
Here, I have gone out with the family for movies and on day trips and they have ensured that my days here are not uneventful. I was helped in my househunt with some agent contact details & even visited a few buildings with Sonia. Her brother helped me with a few agents he knows. Her parents are extremely sweet and talking with them when I was at their place helped me calm down during my initial stressful days here.
All in all, like I said – yes the city overwhelms you – but the people I have here – their selfless support has overwhelmed me more.
------
On a side note – finally my family is here. Mom & dad, who left today, were here for 10 days to visit/vacation and help set up the house. However, looking back, it seems vacationing was the last thing on their mind as the house set up process has been totally put on the fast track ! They were here for a total of 10 days.. and I am sure I will see them again in 3-4 months, when they come back !
And, Nidhi – 45 days without her ! the last highest number of days I last spent without her was…4 ! I have missed her in each and everything I have done here.
But finally, I have her here.. for this exciting new journey, I have my co-pilot, ready to fly with me..
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Dubai Diaries 2: First Impressions & a Manic Househunt
One word…Opulence.
Dubai is opulence personified. Everything is larger than life. The Malls, buildings, offices, hotels, roads, cars.. everything is large. As a first timer, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed by it all. It takes time to get used to it. I feel out of place and frankly, out of my depth. This is not the type of surrounding that I have seen or experienced in daily life. And it feels kinda otherworldly to be surrounded by this orgy of…opulence !
Of course, this can be easily compared to the other Asian super-cities – Singapore & Hongkong, but like I said – I have visited both places as a tourist, not having had to lead a daily life there.
The most famous road here – Sheikh Zayed Road is like a “mine is bigger than yours” competition brought to life. Every building seems a landmark building. We have the world’s tallest residential tower, the world’s tallest hotel, the world’s tallest “luxury suites only” hotel.. and of course, the world’s tallest structure ever, by far. And yes, most of the 2nd tallest things are here too !
Like I said, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
It is difficult to imagine that this was the economy that had faced a major crash & downturn 3-4 years back. Well, everything is on the upswing now. Real estate construction is on, prices are booming & markets look optimistic.
Moving on, my first 2-3 weeks here had a sole purpose – find a house, before my sponsored hotel stay runs out.
And, I soon realized that it is not an easy process. The rental market here is crazy (I am sure that is the case at most places – however this is my 1st experience of house hunting). So, there are multiple ways you can search for a house here
1. Scourge the classifieds online or in a newspaper – house listings there may be dated, however you get numbers of many agents. Call up those agents and arrange for house viewing if they have anything which matches your specifications.
2. Property Companies – there are a few prominent property companies that do not deal through agents. Get their numbers, call them up and see if any flat is being vacated in any of their buildings
3. Random Search – select an area (diff area every couple of days), get a vehicle (cab or friends car) and drive slowly through the neighborhood. If you like any building, go in and talk to the watchman and find out whether any flat is being vacated. Leave your number and a few tens of dirhams with the watchman if you want to get lucky !
------
Well, I tried all the 3 methods. Before landing, I had already selected the area I wanted to be in – close to work (~30 mins door to door), close to shopping, supermarkets & restaurants, siginificant Indian community and close to the few people I know in Dubai. My daily schedule was something like this – go to office and since there was little to do due to most of my team being on vacation, I used to go to the online classifieds, call a few agents and set up 5-6 house viewings in late afternoon and evening. And make a list of those and a few more agents and leave in the evening. Then, steps in my support system – my friends here (details in next blog). They took me around to those places & that’s how my day ended.. and same process for the next day…
Over 2 weeks, I visited almost ALL buildings in that area and knew of all vacancies. I mean, by the end of week 2, if an agent called me with a potential house, I would have already seen it & rejected it ! I did not like most places due to a multitude of reasons & my unsuccessful evenings were getting to me. It was a tiring search. Every evening post office & full weekends – ALL gone for the househunt.
After 2 hectic single-focus weeks, I was left with a few options
1. House 1: absolutely new building, not yet opened for leasing. The Flat was very small, with 2 pigeonhole windows and barely enough storage space. When I saw this, i was actually grasping for straws in my househunt. So, in my mind, I agreed to take it up – even confirmed to the agent. The only non-negotiable point was the possession date. The builder was not ready to commit & that was a big red flag in my mind. I could not NOT have a house by mid Jan ! My hotel booking by office was (after requested extension) only till Jan 10. And by Jan end, was hoping for Nidhi to be here & parents were coming too. So, I had to have the house !
2. House 2: This was perfect, almost. Huge 1 BHK, Close to the metro, close to a few supermarkets, nice balcony facing the main road, <20 mins travel distance to work. Like I said, perfect. However, I had gone for this viewing along with Varun (a friend here, more details in next blog) & his wife. He is also searching for a house. Varun’s wife somehow did not like the house. Woman’s intuition or gut feel, call it whatever you may. She did not like it, and she could not put a finger on any tangible reason. I tried to probe her, but did not get much. Again, I had liked it and thought I will book it. I even asked Varun to give his visa copy to the agent to block the flat till the time I arrange for the initial funds. I would have taken this up on lease, had I not been bothered by Nidhi’s (Varun’s wife.. also Nidhi) gut feel. I thought, “kuch toh hoga” & decided to give it a few days. If I did not find anything else – will book this !
3. House 3: By far, my favourite. It was the one I WANTED, anyhow. Would have closed the deal during the first visit itself. Again, a HUGE I BHK, close to a metro & a mall, the area is quite lively & happening, the building had a squash court, swimming pool & gym. And, the house had a beautiful large balcony connecting the living room & bedroom. I pursued the agent relentlessly. He kept on delaying & delaying. I called him 2-3 times a day. Dinesh uncle (a friend’s uncle – an angel in this unknown land) called him & his boss multiple times, but to no avail. He ignored us & I could not do anything, but to give up my dream home here !
4. House 4: When Dinesh uncle saw it, he said, “shut your eyes & take it”. Of course, he also liked House 3, but he liked this one a lot too. So.. what about this place. Conveniently located, above a supermarket, relatively close to the metro. Located in the middle of a host of shopping malls & restaurants, huge living room, large kitchen & a huge bedroom. A nice little balcony outside the living room & a large balcony outside the kitchen overlooking a park. No gym or swimming pool in the building though ! And yeah, nice neighbours !
House 4 was a clear winner over House 1 & 2. And with no response for House 3 from the agent, I went ahead & booked House 4 !
I move sometime in mid-Jan – like they say here – inshallah !!
Dubai is opulence personified. Everything is larger than life. The Malls, buildings, offices, hotels, roads, cars.. everything is large. As a first timer, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed by it all. It takes time to get used to it. I feel out of place and frankly, out of my depth. This is not the type of surrounding that I have seen or experienced in daily life. And it feels kinda otherworldly to be surrounded by this orgy of…opulence !
Of course, this can be easily compared to the other Asian super-cities – Singapore & Hongkong, but like I said – I have visited both places as a tourist, not having had to lead a daily life there.
The most famous road here – Sheikh Zayed Road is like a “mine is bigger than yours” competition brought to life. Every building seems a landmark building. We have the world’s tallest residential tower, the world’s tallest hotel, the world’s tallest “luxury suites only” hotel.. and of course, the world’s tallest structure ever, by far. And yes, most of the 2nd tallest things are here too !
Like I said, you can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
It is difficult to imagine that this was the economy that had faced a major crash & downturn 3-4 years back. Well, everything is on the upswing now. Real estate construction is on, prices are booming & markets look optimistic.
Moving on, my first 2-3 weeks here had a sole purpose – find a house, before my sponsored hotel stay runs out.
And, I soon realized that it is not an easy process. The rental market here is crazy (I am sure that is the case at most places – however this is my 1st experience of house hunting). So, there are multiple ways you can search for a house here
1. Scourge the classifieds online or in a newspaper – house listings there may be dated, however you get numbers of many agents. Call up those agents and arrange for house viewing if they have anything which matches your specifications.
2. Property Companies – there are a few prominent property companies that do not deal through agents. Get their numbers, call them up and see if any flat is being vacated in any of their buildings
3. Random Search – select an area (diff area every couple of days), get a vehicle (cab or friends car) and drive slowly through the neighborhood. If you like any building, go in and talk to the watchman and find out whether any flat is being vacated. Leave your number and a few tens of dirhams with the watchman if you want to get lucky !
------
Well, I tried all the 3 methods. Before landing, I had already selected the area I wanted to be in – close to work (~30 mins door to door), close to shopping, supermarkets & restaurants, siginificant Indian community and close to the few people I know in Dubai. My daily schedule was something like this – go to office and since there was little to do due to most of my team being on vacation, I used to go to the online classifieds, call a few agents and set up 5-6 house viewings in late afternoon and evening. And make a list of those and a few more agents and leave in the evening. Then, steps in my support system – my friends here (details in next blog). They took me around to those places & that’s how my day ended.. and same process for the next day…
Over 2 weeks, I visited almost ALL buildings in that area and knew of all vacancies. I mean, by the end of week 2, if an agent called me with a potential house, I would have already seen it & rejected it ! I did not like most places due to a multitude of reasons & my unsuccessful evenings were getting to me. It was a tiring search. Every evening post office & full weekends – ALL gone for the househunt.
After 2 hectic single-focus weeks, I was left with a few options
1. House 1: absolutely new building, not yet opened for leasing. The Flat was very small, with 2 pigeonhole windows and barely enough storage space. When I saw this, i was actually grasping for straws in my househunt. So, in my mind, I agreed to take it up – even confirmed to the agent. The only non-negotiable point was the possession date. The builder was not ready to commit & that was a big red flag in my mind. I could not NOT have a house by mid Jan ! My hotel booking by office was (after requested extension) only till Jan 10. And by Jan end, was hoping for Nidhi to be here & parents were coming too. So, I had to have the house !
2. House 2: This was perfect, almost. Huge 1 BHK, Close to the metro, close to a few supermarkets, nice balcony facing the main road, <20 mins travel distance to work. Like I said, perfect. However, I had gone for this viewing along with Varun (a friend here, more details in next blog) & his wife. He is also searching for a house. Varun’s wife somehow did not like the house. Woman’s intuition or gut feel, call it whatever you may. She did not like it, and she could not put a finger on any tangible reason. I tried to probe her, but did not get much. Again, I had liked it and thought I will book it. I even asked Varun to give his visa copy to the agent to block the flat till the time I arrange for the initial funds. I would have taken this up on lease, had I not been bothered by Nidhi’s (Varun’s wife.. also Nidhi) gut feel. I thought, “kuch toh hoga” & decided to give it a few days. If I did not find anything else – will book this !
3. House 3: By far, my favourite. It was the one I WANTED, anyhow. Would have closed the deal during the first visit itself. Again, a HUGE I BHK, close to a metro & a mall, the area is quite lively & happening, the building had a squash court, swimming pool & gym. And, the house had a beautiful large balcony connecting the living room & bedroom. I pursued the agent relentlessly. He kept on delaying & delaying. I called him 2-3 times a day. Dinesh uncle (a friend’s uncle – an angel in this unknown land) called him & his boss multiple times, but to no avail. He ignored us & I could not do anything, but to give up my dream home here !
4. House 4: When Dinesh uncle saw it, he said, “shut your eyes & take it”. Of course, he also liked House 3, but he liked this one a lot too. So.. what about this place. Conveniently located, above a supermarket, relatively close to the metro. Located in the middle of a host of shopping malls & restaurants, huge living room, large kitchen & a huge bedroom. A nice little balcony outside the living room & a large balcony outside the kitchen overlooking a park. No gym or swimming pool in the building though ! And yeah, nice neighbours !
House 4 was a clear winner over House 1 & 2. And with no response for House 3 from the agent, I went ahead & booked House 4 !
I move sometime in mid-Jan – like they say here – inshallah !!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Dubai Diaries 1: Goodbye India
Why ? I still find myself asking myself Why ?
I have moved to Dubai, and as the date was drawing closer, the questioning of the decision has only increased.
The logical answer is that I have managed to get a good job there – the employer is globally recognized, working in this geography gives me international exposure, the scope of work is wider than what I had been doing previously, growth opportunities seem better. All well & good.
However, I have my parents in India.. I have my family there..I have my friends there.. life is comfortable.. I had a decent job that I was enjoying.. my travel time to work (a huge pain in Mumbai) was very less..I lived at home.. there was no rent I had to pay..expenses were minimal.. we were making enough savings.. we were happy.. there was no dissatisfaction..
Then Why ?
Yes, I listed down the logical rationale. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that cannot be the only reason.. that should not be the only reason !
Dubai is an expensive place, my savings wont be astronomically higher than what im making now. In fact, I would be giving up a lot of comforts there, which if I spend on, my savings would further reduce. So yes, if money was the only factor, I would NOT be moving there.
And to think of it, most people move because they are making much more !
Next – future prospects – yes, they seem brighter with a global firm & international exposure. However, at the cost of moving away from family & friends.. umm, not a fair bargain..
So, again.. WHY ?
And so, I delved some more into it.
No one knows this – when I had started out on my career, 6 years back, my colleagues were all from out of Mumbai, living alone in the city, managing their lives along with work. Me, I had it sorted like most of the people living & working in the same city. Mom made food that I carried, did not have to worry about rent and daily comforts like washing & ironing, did not need to buy a car etc. And when I spoke to my colleagues, I was attracted to the idea of having to face daily obstacles & managing your life. I went to my parents and proosed that I move out, as an experiment, for a year & live like my colleagues were living. Just to know how I can manage & whether I will survive (of course, it was very exciting as I was thinking I will live like characters of “FRIENDS” did). I wanted to have a roommate, worry about the apartment, pay the rent, and other accompanying stuff.. the whole idea was exciting. Of course, I was shut down by my parents and that idea died there.
Now, maybe this move to Dubai gives me the chance to live that dream. Yes, it’s a different set of circumstances. It’s a different country, not the same city. I am not single anymore, I am married & responsible for my wife too. Luckily, she encouraged me to take up this offer & has been with me all through. Of course, we had 2nd thoughts and we told ourselves that this would be a 2 year thing.. maybe a 3 year thing. However, one can’t decide for the future. The only decision we had to make is whether to go to Dubai or not. And then we take it from there.
So, the opportunity to live on your own may the driving force. The excitement of setting up your home, living in a new city, settling in, making a living, struggling, succeeding..is something that I am looking forward to and that is something that excites me. (sounds a bit like Ranbir’s “mujhe udna hai, girna hai” speech from Yeh Jawaani.. but yeah, kinda true).
What makes the decision is easier is that it’s a place close to home, travel time by air is 3 hours, tickets are affordable – so it will be easy to be in touch with family back home. And we told each other – what is the worst case scenario – we would have to come back sooner than expected if things don’t work out. Well, if we can envisage and manage the worst case scenario – gotta give it a shot.
And that shot is what we are giving. Hope it works out for the best, And yes, the intention is to come back home.
Goodbye India.. for now...
I have moved to Dubai, and as the date was drawing closer, the questioning of the decision has only increased.
The logical answer is that I have managed to get a good job there – the employer is globally recognized, working in this geography gives me international exposure, the scope of work is wider than what I had been doing previously, growth opportunities seem better. All well & good.
However, I have my parents in India.. I have my family there..I have my friends there.. life is comfortable.. I had a decent job that I was enjoying.. my travel time to work (a huge pain in Mumbai) was very less..I lived at home.. there was no rent I had to pay..expenses were minimal.. we were making enough savings.. we were happy.. there was no dissatisfaction..
Then Why ?
Yes, I listed down the logical rationale. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that cannot be the only reason.. that should not be the only reason !
Dubai is an expensive place, my savings wont be astronomically higher than what im making now. In fact, I would be giving up a lot of comforts there, which if I spend on, my savings would further reduce. So yes, if money was the only factor, I would NOT be moving there.
And to think of it, most people move because they are making much more !
Next – future prospects – yes, they seem brighter with a global firm & international exposure. However, at the cost of moving away from family & friends.. umm, not a fair bargain..
So, again.. WHY ?
And so, I delved some more into it.
No one knows this – when I had started out on my career, 6 years back, my colleagues were all from out of Mumbai, living alone in the city, managing their lives along with work. Me, I had it sorted like most of the people living & working in the same city. Mom made food that I carried, did not have to worry about rent and daily comforts like washing & ironing, did not need to buy a car etc. And when I spoke to my colleagues, I was attracted to the idea of having to face daily obstacles & managing your life. I went to my parents and proosed that I move out, as an experiment, for a year & live like my colleagues were living. Just to know how I can manage & whether I will survive (of course, it was very exciting as I was thinking I will live like characters of “FRIENDS” did). I wanted to have a roommate, worry about the apartment, pay the rent, and other accompanying stuff.. the whole idea was exciting. Of course, I was shut down by my parents and that idea died there.
Now, maybe this move to Dubai gives me the chance to live that dream. Yes, it’s a different set of circumstances. It’s a different country, not the same city. I am not single anymore, I am married & responsible for my wife too. Luckily, she encouraged me to take up this offer & has been with me all through. Of course, we had 2nd thoughts and we told ourselves that this would be a 2 year thing.. maybe a 3 year thing. However, one can’t decide for the future. The only decision we had to make is whether to go to Dubai or not. And then we take it from there.
So, the opportunity to live on your own may the driving force. The excitement of setting up your home, living in a new city, settling in, making a living, struggling, succeeding..is something that I am looking forward to and that is something that excites me. (sounds a bit like Ranbir’s “mujhe udna hai, girna hai” speech from Yeh Jawaani.. but yeah, kinda true).
What makes the decision is easier is that it’s a place close to home, travel time by air is 3 hours, tickets are affordable – so it will be easy to be in touch with family back home. And we told each other – what is the worst case scenario – we would have to come back sooner than expected if things don’t work out. Well, if we can envisage and manage the worst case scenario – gotta give it a shot.
And that shot is what we are giving. Hope it works out for the best, And yes, the intention is to come back home.
Goodbye India.. for now...
Friday, July 19, 2013
Not to be... (Part 2)
Not to be: Part 1
---------
...continued
Now, it was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseaable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop would prevent such a scene in any case.
He reached early and was waiting for her. She came soon, dressed in purple. The dark colour was in perfect contrast with her beautiful, smooth, fair skin. Ah, she looked angelic. He regretted not having shaved off his stubble. He convinced himself - maybe she liked the rugged look !
He held her hand - it fit perfectly into his. She did not resist. She liked the warmth of his hands. He was sad, upset. He knew how the conversation would proceed. She was smiling, the twinkle in her eyes always present. He hoped that the smile hid some amount of sadness & regret. He wanted to hear from her how she felt about him. Little did he know that he never would, ever.
He was not his usual self. He found it hard to talk, to smile, to make conversation. There was a lump in his throat, that brought tears to the edge of his eye. But, he refused to cry. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to show her that he also could be strong like her. He wanted to lie to her - just this one time.
She was truly lady-like in her approach, the only exception being that she did not withdraw her hand from his.
She kept talking, and he kept fidgeting with her fingers.
Suddenly, he interrupted her irrelevant talks.
"are you sure ?"
She was silent for a while. "Yes"
"This is just not fair", he resigned.
"I know.. but, the doors are closed on our relationship"
"they are not closed. you have shut them ! I want you to open the door for me.."
And, then, as she dithered to reply, he gave up. Whatever hopes he had, came crashing down. He knew it wasn't going to be. It was meant to be. It was perfect. But it was not going to happen.
He will be with someone else. She will be with someone else. They both might very well be happy in their individual lives. But for him, one question will always persistently bother him - What if ? What if ?
She mentioned something about them not having a snap together. He asked the waiter to click a snap. He even smiled. They would both preserve this photograph, this only photograph of their together, forever.
Although he smiled for the photograph, his mind was elsewhere. He had never felt this helpless. He was a guy who liked to be in control. He realised that this time, he would have to let go.
Soon, the coffees became as cold as the conversation died down. They stood, her hand still in his, almost like they had forgotten they are holding hands.
And they walked out. He was lost. She betrayed no sadness, gave him nothing to capitalise on, showed no weakness. In this moment, for this reason, he hated her. But not as much as he loved her.
She was about to get into a vehicle to head home. As she stepped in, he dint get go of her hand. He pulled her back towards him. And held her close. Closer than he had ever held her. Closer than public modesty would allow. But still not as close as he really wanted to hold her.
He looked into her eyes. And, for the first time, they betrayed the facade she was putting up. Yes, they said, yes i feel the same. Her eyes told him what her lips never did. Or that is what he wanted to believe !
And they stood for what seemed like an eternity. He closed his eyes. He had no way of knowing that she did the same, almost immediately. He leaned in towards her. He put one hand lightly on the back of her neck, and simultaneously she placed one hand lightly on his hip. And they kissed on the street. And, she, who did not open the door for him, pliantly opened her lips to meet his.
It was not they perfect moment, by far. It was hot, humid, polluted, noisy and populated. But they did not see anything else. They did not feel anything else. It was the sweetest kiss that either of them would ever know.
Their lips parted after what seemed like forever, but still too less. She got into the waiting vehicle, her eyes still closed.
She wanted the last image of his to be that of him leaning in to kiss her. He let her hand go, tantalisingly slow, and watched her vehicle speed away from him.
That was the last time they would see each other, like I said, for the relevant future.
----The End---
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Not to be... (Part 1)
It was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseeable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop prevent such a scene in any case.
It wasn't long ago that they had met. In fact, it was only a month back that they had first seen each other in person after school.
They weren't friends in school. She was the prettiest girl & he was among the many who only looked from a distance wishing they could be friends. She had left school before the final year and moved to Indonesia.
Since, there was no friendship to begin with, they had never been in touch. Also, there was not mechanism to be in touch. Neither had cellphones, there was no Facebook.
Fast-forward 10 years. He was now a confident young man. She was, for him, still the prettiest girl. They were "friends" on Facebook, which meant that he checked out all her latest photograph uploads, but never chatted with her.
One fine day, there was a photograph upload that he could not resist admiring and staring at for hours together. He had to tell her ! The internet medium, wherein you can chat without being face-to-face, lent him a lot of courage. He chatted - "you are looking absolutely stunning in your dp". And thus began a friendship. He realised that beautiful girls are also from the same planet & equally human. She realised that the geek from school, a non-entity to her at that point of time, had grown into a fine, young, funny man.
They kept chatting and with the advent of BBM, became even closer. Predictably, the guy fell in love with her. Predictably, the girl's feelings were never explicitly expressed !
And then something happened that the guy was waiting for. The girl decided to travel to India...for a month. He decided to woo her, as much as she allowed him to !
The first time they met, again, was a neutral place - an early morning jogging park. He saw her for the first time in person for over 10 years. She was as enchanting as ever. A pristine face, a "come fall in love with me" smile, long black-brown tresses that fell below her waistline. He, largely a confident guy, fell inadequate, even undeserving. For him, she felt as unattainable now as she felt unapproachable in school. But he wasn't gonna sit on his ass this time round !
And when they met, after the first few awkward moments - he kept stealing glances at her, and felt a loss of words, she wondered why the normally chatty guy had lost his tongue - they started talking. The ice shattered, and a comfort level was soon established. They laughed - he cracked the jokes, however, she was witty in her own way. They spoke about everything and nothing. They shared their feelings. They spoke about their families. They spoke about their insecurities. They spoke about their dreams.
The guy was elated, he was in love. The girl was scared, maybe she felt the same too. He wanted to hold her, maybe she wanted it to. But, that day and on the days following, he did no such thing.
And, thus, their talks continued. She really felt that he was the guy she would want to be with, he was the guy who she would be happy with, in every which way. However, it wasn't just her feelings that mattered. She envisaged a lot of opposition from her family for reasons that she felt convincing enough.
They spoke about it. He was livid. All that mattered to him was that 2 people love each other (mind you, she had never uttered those words explicitly, and would never do so...ever) and want to be with each other. Everything else can be taken care of.
However, she felt otherwise.
He was not known to explode with anger. He respected her and her feelings. He was sad, upset, angry. But those feelings were nothing against the feelings of love, respect and trust he had for her. If she said it ain't happening, it ain't happening.
And so, the month ended.
Now, it was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseaable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop prevent such a scene in any case......
.....to be continued........
It wasn't long ago that they had met. In fact, it was only a month back that they had first seen each other in person after school.
They weren't friends in school. She was the prettiest girl & he was among the many who only looked from a distance wishing they could be friends. She had left school before the final year and moved to Indonesia.
Since, there was no friendship to begin with, they had never been in touch. Also, there was not mechanism to be in touch. Neither had cellphones, there was no Facebook.
Fast-forward 10 years. He was now a confident young man. She was, for him, still the prettiest girl. They were "friends" on Facebook, which meant that he checked out all her latest photograph uploads, but never chatted with her.
One fine day, there was a photograph upload that he could not resist admiring and staring at for hours together. He had to tell her ! The internet medium, wherein you can chat without being face-to-face, lent him a lot of courage. He chatted - "you are looking absolutely stunning in your dp". And thus began a friendship. He realised that beautiful girls are also from the same planet & equally human. She realised that the geek from school, a non-entity to her at that point of time, had grown into a fine, young, funny man.
They kept chatting and with the advent of BBM, became even closer. Predictably, the guy fell in love with her. Predictably, the girl's feelings were never explicitly expressed !
And then something happened that the guy was waiting for. The girl decided to travel to India...for a month. He decided to woo her, as much as she allowed him to !
The first time they met, again, was a neutral place - an early morning jogging park. He saw her for the first time in person for over 10 years. She was as enchanting as ever. A pristine face, a "come fall in love with me" smile, long black-brown tresses that fell below her waistline. He, largely a confident guy, fell inadequate, even undeserving. For him, she felt as unattainable now as she felt unapproachable in school. But he wasn't gonna sit on his ass this time round !
And when they met, after the first few awkward moments - he kept stealing glances at her, and felt a loss of words, she wondered why the normally chatty guy had lost his tongue - they started talking. The ice shattered, and a comfort level was soon established. They laughed - he cracked the jokes, however, she was witty in her own way. They spoke about everything and nothing. They shared their feelings. They spoke about their families. They spoke about their insecurities. They spoke about their dreams.
The guy was elated, he was in love. The girl was scared, maybe she felt the same too. He wanted to hold her, maybe she wanted it to. But, that day and on the days following, he did no such thing.
And, thus, their talks continued. She really felt that he was the guy she would want to be with, he was the guy who she would be happy with, in every which way. However, it wasn't just her feelings that mattered. She envisaged a lot of opposition from her family for reasons that she felt convincing enough.
They spoke about it. He was livid. All that mattered to him was that 2 people love each other (mind you, she had never uttered those words explicitly, and would never do so...ever) and want to be with each other. Everything else can be taken care of.
However, she felt otherwise.
He was not known to explode with anger. He respected her and her feelings. He was sad, upset, angry. But those feelings were nothing against the feelings of love, respect and trust he had for her. If she said it ain't happening, it ain't happening.
And so, the month ended.
Now, it was the last time they would be meeting, for the foreseaable & relevant future. The setting was neutral - a coffee shop. Neither was known for an emotional outburst, and the coffee shop prevent such a scene in any case......
.....to be continued........
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